Hi everyone, 

It's my first time posting. Generally I'm a very positive person but I'm feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment and struggling to push the *** thoughts down. 8 weeks ago I looked down and noticed my nipple was retracted on my right breast and there was a little dimpling too, felt it and there's a large lump just above the nipple. I was hormonal the time (I'm 42) so decided to wait 2 more weeks to get through my cycle before going to GP, it then took 5 weeks for apt at the breast clinic. I thought I was prepared for the worst. 

I had my apt on Wednesday and had a mammogram on both breasts, sat in the waiting room, then was called back in to do the right breast again. So I thought, OK, this isn't looking so good!

Then went into the examination room with a few Dr's, physical examination done and then ultrasound. The Dr explained they wanted to do a biopsy, the large lump was of great concern and they will need to treat, also found calcification toward the outer region nearer armpit and another lump in left breast. They then went on to do 7 needle core biopsies from the three sites with ultrasound, and I was then taken back to have another 6 biopsies taken whilst hooked up to the mammogram (for 20 mins - urghh) . They weren't painful, but the team did have a few problems taking the biopsies as one site was described as being 'like concrete'.  

So after being there for 2 and a half hours in total, I left the centre in a bit of shock, which surprised me as I like I said, I really did think I was mentally prepared for the worst, but seeing the faces of the Dr's and them saying its pretty certain to be cancer... Floored me... and unusual for me, I found myself lost for words. 

Stupidly I didn't ask any questions, I wasn't ready for the answers! Also COVID meant no one could go with me and I'm not sure anyone will be allowed to future apts. I'm awaiting the results which should come back on Friday, but I'm wondering if anyone has any advice - if I called the breast clinic would they be able to talk me through the results of the mammograms and ultrasounds. I know the large lump is 3.5cm but nothing about the others. Now I've got it in my head that it's spread all over the place and sleeping is torture, would the clinic tell me over the phone whether there was evidence it has spread or will I have e to wit until I get my biopsy results back to find out anymore? Its the not knowing that's the worst isn't it? I'm sure if I knew what I was dealing with I'd be handling the whole situation much better. 

I've two children who are taking my mind off things during lockdown and helping me to stay positive, just every now and then the dark thoughts get in. 

I don't want to worry my family at all so being the usual bright and breezy, what will be will be to the hubby, but inside, I'm going a bit loopy. 

So really, I want some advice from those of you who have been there and done it (and it's totally crap that you have been there and still doing it too in many cases). What should I be asking at the biopsy results apt, what if anything can I find out before then? Do I look like a nutter if I call the centre and ask to be told what they know so far? You know you're British when you feel embarrassed about asking for your own results! :wink::laugh:

Thanks for listening, any and all advice welcome

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