Hi all,

So I go to the GP tomorrow expecting to recieve confirmation of pancreatic cancer aged 34. I have a range of emotions - fear, anger and to a degree relief that I can start moving forward. I have had a scary, frustrating and painful 3 months.

At the beginning of december I started to experience a prolonged bout of flatulence which eventually escalated into full blown diarrhoea which lasted into early january. This included yellow, foul diarrhea with some bleeding. I had experienced rectal bleeding in the past and decided to visit the GP. I also started to experience lower abdominal pain. Stool tests indicated elevated fecal calprotectin which is suggestive of inflammatory bowel disease. I was referred for a colonoscopy. However this has come back clear - showing no sign of inflammation.

Whilst waiting for the colonoscopy I began to feel back pain on my right side, just below the rib cage and upper abdominal pain on the right hand side. This pain has become increasingly intense and has spread to my right shoulder blade. I have been unable to sleep on my right hand side since january and sitting down also seems to bring about pain. The pain was intermittent but is becoming more regular and intense. I have lost a lot of weight. Blood tests for liver, kidneys and enzymes were normal. An ultrasound showed no gallstones. This also showed the head head of the pancreas which looked normal. The radiographer could not see the whole pancreas.

I was referred for an MRI to investigate my small bowel at the end of january, this final happened last week. However retesting of my stool sample has now shown no inflammation in the bowel and a diagnosis of inflammatory bowel disease is now considered unlikely. I was assured the MRI would also image my pancreas. I requested a CT Scan but was told no. I asked to have my C19-9 level tested but the GP didn't know what it was. 

Since february my condition has dramatically declined. I have now lost 2 and a half stone since Christmas and find it difdicult to eat. The pain has spread to the middle of my back, my neck and both shoulders. I often struggle to lie down or sit as this makes the pain in my back and shoulders worse. I have developed a burning feeling in my upper abdomen, in the middle, midway between my ribs and belly buttom. I've even started getting pain in my left flank. The pain is unaffected by over the counter medication and codeine isn't doing the trick. I struggle to sleep or get comfortable. 

I've been back to A&E since and refused treatment. I have visited the GPs office on numerous occasions and was signed off work this week. I was referred to hospital by my GP this week, but somehow ended up in the Surgical Assessment Unit. The nurses repeated the same blood tests that have been done 7 times already and found no change. I was sent home after 5 hours with ibuprofen abd omeprazole and told to wait for the results of my MRI.

I was told by the GP last week that he expects the result of the MRI by tomorrow. I have an appointment to see him in the morning. I have long since lost any hope of been told this is not pancreatic cancer. Given the pain in my back and neck I expect confirmation of a tumour which has spread to the celiac plexus and will therefore not be resectable. I am worried the shoulder blade pain means the cancer is spreading. 

Despite feeling my body fall apart, doctors and family have met my concern with sceptisism. I think the over-riding opinion has been that I am too young. I feel guilty that I have put a massive strain on my wife, as my mood has been low. We have two young boys and she has had to take on a lot. I feel guilty that I most likely won't be here for them in the future. 

Hopefully treatment can stsrt soon and give us more time together. I hope i can respond well. Let's see what tomorrow brings.