Hi everyone never thought I would be here spending my nights looking through cancer forums but it's helped me so much.

I gave birth to my 3rd vaginal delivery in July 2019, during labour the midwife mentioned a tiny pile so that's always been in the back of my mind. Fast forward to October 2019 and I was away in Blackpool and when I went to the toilet there was a considerable amount of blood there. The whole toilet bowl turned red. First of all I was so scared but speaking to my partner and looking through Google I quickly came to the conclusion it was that pile the midwife was talking about from labour. For a few days I would bleed each time I went the toilet. I put it to the back of my mind and being a mum to 3 young  children i always put my health last. Anyway since then I have been bleeding probably around 2 or 3 times a week. Again each time it's not a little bit the toilet it always covered in bright red blood. Now my bowel habits have really changed. I used to go the toilet maybe once or twice a day. Which was normal for me. Now I go days without having a bowel motion, then I'll have days of bouts of diaorreah. Sometimes I'm in a considerable amount of pain with random cramps, very sore bum it feels sometimes like I'm sat on a nerve, sometimes my belly button is very very painful. I don't know if I'm just putting all this together and assuming the worst but the more I think about it the more symptoms I link together. So if went the gp last Thursday, they examined me no piles. I was shocked I thought it would be yes it's a pile here's some cream and you've just had abit of a dicky tummy. But she' referred me to a specialist. I had bloods done on Friday & stool sample (still not heard back). Yesterday I thought well no news is good news I'm trying to stay positive about it all, but around 6.00pm I had a knock on my door and I was greeted by a taxi driver with a big envelope from the hospital. It's my appoint for an endoscopy next Thursday. I've never heard of anyone getting a hand delivered letter before and now I am so so scared. Don't really know what I'm asking for just need someone to talk to really. Everyone is trying to stay positive around me and when I question cancer they are like oh you are young you are fine don't be stupid. And it's really putting me down because I feel like I just need someone to listen and give me advice not try make me feel stupid for thinking the worst.

Thanks very much if you read all this I really appreciate it.