Good evening ladies, 

I have been reading your threads, and I want to thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone. So, my background is nursing, and when I'm not caring for my patients, I'm looking after my four children. I am sitting here writing this with tears flowing down my face.

I am currently waiting on a scan for left axilla (armpit) swelling. Though my Gp thought last week that this was likely 'thickening of my pectoral is muscle'. She said the swelling didn't present like lymph node swelling. I went to my GP last week, (had to wait weeks for the appointment), as I have been having pain in my left breast, armpit and left arm. I have what I call 'popeye' arms anyway, so unable to check for lumps properly. So the Gp examined my armpit only. Did not feel my breast etc. I think this was because Ioverwhelmed her with a few different complaints in the 10 minute slot. I have a blood test tomorrow as a result of some of the complaints.

Anyway, this evening whilst I was chatting with my husband and cooking dinner, the pain came in my left breast, outer aspect of the left breast and armpit. I of course started to feel around and thought I felt something. When I tried to feel it again, it was gone. But I still knew I felt it. My husband begged me to stop feeling as felt I was making the pain worse. He put it down to carrying my two year old on that side. He went to watch his beloved football team and pleaded with me to not check my breast whilst he was away. Purely cause he knows I would freak out alone with the kids. I didn't listen though. I knew I felt something so no sooner had he left for football, I checked my left breast again. I found a flat (didn't feel for long as blood drained from my face and heart started racing) large/lengthy lump. I found it to the left breast outer aspect of the breast and deep inside below the armpit. It's where the pain is I believe. What worries me most is that I have four little children who depend on me. My mind was thinking worst case scenario and that's why the tears are flowing. I am scared for me, but more scared for my children and husband. I don't want to feel that lump again.

I check my boobs but I'm not sure if i have ever checked that deep before so not sure how long its there. What worries me is that this swelling in my left armpit, I had checked in July 2019 and the Gp then didn't feel amy swelling but said would send me for a scan. Yet I declined then as I took his word and I would literally be flying to Australia for my brothers wedding so no point in wasting a scan. He told me to advise when back from Australian and he would refer for a scan then. I did not do this. Now I am fearing the worst. For someone who is usually on it with health issues, I fear that I have now left it too late. I feel so anxious. I feel angry at myself for not looking after myself more. I am finding it so hard to be positive right now. I'm so sorry for the essay. You are all amazing ladies. I've sat here reading so many posts and you are all truly inspiring. Xx