Worries about left testicle

Hi sorry for the rant but I’m really nervous 

after watching a documentary on testicular cancer I decided to have a check. Well no lumps and both felt fine . But after a while I kept checking and I thought “hmmmm” I couldn’t 100 % tell if my left testicle felt firmer orrr more dense the other testicle . Basically this was 5 months ago. Some days they feel normal and some days the left feels like a rock I’ve crushed proded poked and squeezed to the point of nausea. But now I’m convinced I have TC and now its spread everywhere ...they still they haven’t gotten bigger or been ANY changes since ...but guys am freaking out and too scarred to go the docs