Hi everyone,

I am hoping someone can help. I suffer from Cancer worrying... if I get unwell (which isn't often and isn't clearly just a common cold) I panic it's cancer every single time. I had convinced myself I had breast cancer after both my breasts ached for over 2 years! The doctors wouldn't take me seriously. Probably right for them because the pain in my breasts went away. But it was a torturous 2 years of googling and worry. 

But 4 weeks ago my sister, only a few years older than me (I am 30 and she is 33) got diagnosed with lung cancer. We are devistaed but my anxiety has gone through the roof. 

I have always had difficulty 'going'.. but since we found out the news I started getting chronic constipation and I was passing small rocks every few days for weeks. I have tried to stop stressing, not think too much on it. I have had light blood when wiping for years but on 2 occastions Doctors have checked and seen tears from constipation so said not to worry. However, I was sat in work a few weeks ago and could feel discomfort in my lleft side when leaning on the left. If you press my stomach you cannot feel anything but after a few days of not going the buldge became a pressing. I can now feel a pushing on my hip, it feels like someone has wrapped a hairbobble around my joint and I have a 'dead leg' sensation and numbness in the hip. I thought it was all in my head, but a week went by and my stomach blew up like I was 4 months pregnant. I went to a doctor who gave me laxatives which I took in very high doses for a few days and nothing! I then went to out of hours after feeling very sick.. I pointed to the painful pressing area and he said that was exactly where my bowel is, (I didn't know this before)  so now I know it's not in my head! He gave me a higher dose of laxatives so I tried that for days and nothing again, even the pharmacist said when handing them over to me.. "its a very high dose you have here!"

I then had to go to A&E after I started throwing up brown slime and the pain getting worse. They did an xray and said there was no sinister blockage but that he could see constipation. I did ask about my cancer worries and he said he could not rule out bowel cancer but that it was very unlikely given my age. I was given an Enima, which cleared alot but it didn't feel like enough. That was yesterday, and today I have gone very small amounts 3 times and it's like water, but I still have to really strain to get that out! The pain and pushing in my hip hasn't gone but the bloating has. i haven't had a normal BM in weeks. TO MAKE IT WORSE FOR MYSELF, I ordered a home testing kit for bowel and colon cancer online. I did the test with the watery poop because that's all i had... it said I should have the result in 3-5 minutes and I stared at it for 5 minutes.. the test was normal for 5 minutes and I left it on the side very happy with the reassurance. I did a few minutes of tidying and I went back to it only a couple minutes later and it was a very very faint positive. The test said to only look at it for 5 minutes but that any results are inconclusive after 10 minutes. I probably looked at it after 8-9 mintutes. So now I am freaking out. The more I stared at it after that - for at least an hour, the postive got more and more clear.  I cannot sit comfortably without feeling the buldge and pressing in my side. I cannot have a normal bowel movement like my bowel just stopped working when we found out the news of my sister. 

What do you all think? Am I doing this to myself?? Of course I am going straight to the Doctor on Monday. But can anyone get me through the weekend with something positive? I am finding it hard to cope, because we are losing my sister  who is a mum of 2. I am watching my parents die of heartbreak as they try everything they can to save her which is so hard.  I can't even begin to think of what she is going through and now I am terrified it is happening to me aswell with my 2 young children. I keep thinking - it has to be stress, but then I can't help but think - but what if it's not. And I know the doctors will fob me off because they know my sister (family doctors) and what I am going through and they might fob off my symptoms to stress when maybe it's not!... my sister was fobbed off with her pain until they found secondary bone cancer and found the lung cancer and it's now very very serious. I can't take it. What can I do?

Thank you