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Staring into the dark

Milton
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I’m 53, male, I had a persistent cough - for around a year. But no other symptoms. A week ago I had a second x-ray, the first a year ago had been clear. I have a mass in the bottom of my left lung, 4cm x 5cm (nice they’re so specific). I go to see my GP this morning, but when I spoke to her on the phone yesterday she said “I was on the Cancer pathway and was being referred to a “respiratory specialist”. I tried to stay away from the internet but what else is there to do when you’re rolling around in bed at 2 in the morning? I can’t see much hope in my situation, or rather I feel hope would be dangerous. All I can think is that I will only have a few months and all I can do is settle my affairs while I still have the strength to be bothered. How do I tell my wife? What will my son do without a father? Will I ever sleep through the night without waking terrified in the early hours. And the nightmare’s only starting...

 

 

  • Offline in reply to Milton

    Hi Milton. How'd it go yesterday. I'm all ears probably look like a donkey,, sorry if I'm to nosy,,       Billy

    P.s I'm just concerned. 

  • Offline in reply to Billygoat

    Hi PJ, Billy, Cookied,

     

    Thanks for keeping in touch and sorry for not posting again sooner.

     

    It’s been a gruesome week, mostly spent trying not to think about what my 4cm x 5cm “focal density” could mean.

     

    On Thursday, the respiratory consultant, looked at my CT scans and told me that what I have seems to be “a long-standing respiratory infection”.

     

    Hallelujah. I couldn’t believe it, and still don’t really.

     

    A heavy-duty lung infection with likely scarring (and patches of emphysema from previous smoking) is obviously no joke but compared with every other possible diagnosis I was expecting, I have to feel blessed.  

     

    The consultant showed me two light areas on the CT scans – bright white patterns – and said there was symmetry, and that was good as c tended to present asymmetrically – often a large growth one side and then small sections where it had spread. And the patches were at the bottom of the lungs – again indicating infection as mucus collects at the bottom of the lungs. The fact I had no pain in the chest and hadn’t been coughing up blood or lost any weight was also good.

     

    She’s given me a cornflake packet sized box of antibiotics, pills to thin the mucus and then another CT scan in 6 weeks to see if there’s anything nasty under the infection. Obviously I’d be mad to think I’m in the clear yet (and my wife’s pushing for me to get a second opinion) but I’m allowing myself a little cautious optimism. For now, it feels like I’ve dodged a bullet.

     

    I’ll keep my fingers crossed and check back in after the results from the second CT scan in 7 weeks.

     

    I’m really grateful for your help and thank you so much for trying to nudge me towards thinking positively in this last week. I should have listened harder and saved myself a rack of anxiety, but you know how it is.I really couldn’t believe there was a positive, or a less than screamingly negative, outcome from being on a “Cancer Pathway” (sorry Cookied) but if they don’t find anything else after 7 weeks, then maybe…

     

    Thank you.

  • Offline in reply to Milton

    Hi Milton all i can say is congratulations (hopefully) anyway best wishes for the future.. Billy 

  • Offline in reply to Billygoat

    Thanks Billy, and good luck to you too. It's a great thing you do on this forum :)

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