Hello Worriedperson and welcome to the forum. 

I'm really sorry to hear about how you're struggling with things at the moment. Lots of people to process sub conscious thoughts and feelings during their sleep and it sounds like you're brain is working overtime at the moment. It's understandable given that you've had 2 surgeries.

I know that lots of our members here will agree that waiting for tests results can be a really difficult time. The "not knowing" can cause lots of anxiety about what may lie ahead but try to hold on to the postive news that you have had - your lymph nodes test was clear. Hopefully now this second surgery will give the clear margins result and you'll be able to start looking forward again. 

I wonder if you'd find it helpful to talk things through with our team of nurses as well. Sometimes actually speaking to someone about your concerns can help and I'm sure they'd be able to offer you some support and advice. You can call them on 0808 800 4040 (Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm). 

It's nearly a week now since your last surgery so I hope that you're recovering well and that you hear back about your results very soon. Do let us know how you get on. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator

Worry and thinking does your head in, I know too. I run scenarios through in my head day and night as I’m waiting for the next steps.

im new to the cancer stuff (tumour found 4 weeks ago) and I’ve had 3 scans in 8 days and that’s off the back of previous surgery 4mths ago and test after test in the months since then. 

I consider I’m pretty well versed in mindfulness and techniques to keep me grounded but that doesn’t stop my mind from worrying and then beating myself up when I can’t. Fear, loss, uncertainty, helplessness as well as recovery from surgery are all mixing up together and you don’t know which way is up. I get it. 

Jenn’s recommendation sounds really helpful. 

I hope you can find some rest to allow your body to heal and to pass the days until your results. We’ll wait together :)