Hi Billy

Sorry for any confusion about my name. My birth name is Pauline, but I am often called 'Polly' or 'Pol' by family and some friends. I flit between the two which can be confusing for people who don't know me.

Thank you for your reply. I am going to opt for sedation for the procedure. When I was a child I choked on a piece of bacon rind and remember my mum having to pull it from my throat.  The feeling has never left me. Add my anxiety to this and, well you can possibly imagine what a state I get into. 

Anyway, I am up early (I am an early riser) and going to try and keep busy. I hope you have a good day.

Polly

Hi Marlyn

I know the feeling about losing a dog. I had to have my precious Tia put to sleep two years ago. I still miss her and often find myself crying.  I agree the brain is a powerful and complex tool. The fear I have, I tell myself, is often a product of over thinking things. I try and control it, but it always gets the better of me. 

I have someone to attend appointments with me which as you say does help.

I hope you have a nice day and thank you for replying to my messages xxx

Polly

Hi polly after some of the things I get called (can't repeat it before a lady), it doesn't matter, what time do you call early I'm normally up about four ish, remember ladies need thear beauty sleep, men it doesn't help at all, you seem a bit brighter this morning well done, hope things go well for you, best wishes............ Billy 

Pop in for a chat, moan, rant....whatever....there's always someone here.....keep us updated on your treatment? Xx

Hi Billy

Well I can say I need lots of beauty sleep. I didnt sleep at all last night. been up since 3am, feeling drained. I picked myself up during the day but the evengins and night time are always the worst. I think living on my own doesn't help. I have made the mistake of reading some stories and diagnosing myself, so now I fiind myself thinking of all the worst case scenarios. |My own fault should wait until I know!

i hope you have a nice day and are feeling well in yourself

Polly

Hi polly normally I'm up around 4.00 anyway for some reason I'm struggling with a signal could be weather what ever you do don't self diagnose, you'll make yourself feel a lot worse, get a good breakfast or else hope to hear from you soon, Billy

With you on the lack of sleep! I tossed and turned until around 3am....my brain just wouldn't switch off...I agree...nights are defo worse....it's also when I feel every ache and pain....and convince myself the cancer is creeping around my body. Then daylight comes, and I look at my gorgeous dog Rubi and it all settles down...until the next night....xx

Hi Marlyn

I know what you mean about the wandering mind. I have convinced myself I have everything now!!! 

I stayed on the sette last night as Daisy and Mac won't go up the stairs. I kept the TV on for bakcground noise to stop me hearing the noises in my tummy. I tend to get most frightened and scared in the night. I was walking the dogs this morning, bumped into my neighbour and burst into tears. I felt bad afterwards becasue she didn't know what to say.  I have a headache today. I am assuming it is down to lack of sleep and lying in a 'funny' position on the settee. 

It is not raining at the moment so I am going to go for a walk. I live near to Ramsbottom (have you heard of it?). I will have a little mooch before taking the dogs out....then the lonliness will creep in again. 

Oh by the way, my daughter has two puppies (Shaunzer's), one called Hugo and the other Jasmine. They are brother and sister. Absolutely beautfiul.  

Chat again soon (if you are okay with that)?

Polly xx

Hi Billy

I hope you get (have got) your signal sorted. I bet it is the weather. I live in a 'dip' so quite often the signal goes and the mobile recpetion can be poor.

I managed some breakfast this morning (toast) and a cup of coffee.  Nothing since though. I will try and have some tea but with the lack of appetite it is hard. I can't cook either!!!! So, I need beauty sleep and to learn to cook :) Perhaps a new hobby for me....however, I have never enjoyed cooking so I'm not sure I will do it.

Off for a walk now into Ramsbottom (I live close by). Do you know it? Then I will walk the dogs. That's my day really. Hope you have something more exciting to do.

Chat soon (please dont worry about telling me if I am chatting too much). I do go on a bit---that's beasue I'm a woman (I can hear you saying)  :)

Polly

The mind is a complex thing isn't it? Iv always been a headachy person but when I have one now...it's of course the cancer spreading! 

I have heard of ramsbottom, it's always made me titter childishly.....but where exactly is it? 

I bet your glad you have daisy and mac? They can be such good company can't they? My hubby was away a lot with the forces, don't know what I would have done without my dogs, they force you out and I do feel better for it....

dont feel bad for bursting into tears, I'm pretty prone to that, a bit embarrassing though when it the lady in boots that your off loading to! Lol...

chat whenever you like, I'm always popping in and out xxxxx