I was selected for advanced breast screening two years ago and had a mammogram. 

I was asked to attend again a couple of weeks ago. I almost didn’t go as I actually thought it was last year she felt guilty taking a space but I went anyway. As it turns out it was 2 years ago. 

I was surprised last week to get a letter asking me to go back for further tests as the results differed. I was absolutely not worried in the slightest and thought I’d be in and out and given the all clear. 

I was taken aback when I was taken into a cosy room and introduced to the breast Cancer Care nurse who started explaining what was going to happen and mentioned treatments etc. What?! Totally unexpected!

I then had several more mammograms and an ultrasound as a nurse came in and started preparing various medical equipment. I was starting to panic to be honest as this was utterly unexpected.

The Doctor then did a biopsy. I’m sorry to anyone who is yet to have this but it was excruciatingly painful. 

I felt a distinct change in the atmosphere in the room as they told me I’d be contacted in a few days and get an appointment to see the doctor.

I wasn’t going to leave it there so I simply asked what the doctor thought. She insisted that the Cancer nurse come in to the room along with my husband. She sat next to me and put her arm around me and said ‘I’m not going to lie to you, I’m very worried.’

I burst in to tears.

She hugged me and the cancer nurse took us into the ‘bad news room’! 

I can’t remember much except words such as grade, lymph nodes, surgery, chemotherapy, etc. 

Apparently the cancer team meet on Thursday to discuss my case and treatment and then I’ll be asked back in to discuss. 

I’m so confused! 

I’m an incredibly positive person and half of me is thinking ‘right let’s tackle this head on, no matter what it is we’ll deal with it’ and just wants to get on with things. 

The other half of me is feeling sheer panic and fear. I’m 50 and reading things like ‘5 year survival rate’ etc just has me wanting to break down and cry.

My husband is my absolute rock who I adore but he can’t cope when I get a headache !! so I want to be strong for him above all else. But all I want to do is cry and ask him for a hug. 

I’m not sure what I’m asking if anything, I just needed to get it out and amongst people who know how it feels. 

The lump by the way is right underneath the right breast and against the chest. It appears most breast cancer is in the ducts, nipple sort of area so I’m not sure what that means for me as I can’t find anything about cancer in this area so any help is appreciated on this.