Thanks for the reply.

I've been reading some of your other posts. 

How do you remain positive through all this? I have absolutely crumbled. My family and friends, like yours are all saying it's not cancer but I'm sure it is.

I'm so sad. I've not seen my daughter for over a month now because I don't want her to see me like this when she is just starting at 6th form and really enjoying this time in her life. I cry whenever I see a picture of her or when she messages me because I'm certain I only have a few months to live and our relationship will never be the same again. 

If I do have brain mets, I'm screwed, not even any hope of successful treatment. 

Any advice would be appreciated. 

J

Oh J, I crumbled in the beginning I promise you.

infact I’m crumbling a bit now, ended up in hospital with super low magnesium, after discussing recent blood in my urine was sent for an ultrasound on my kidneys and now I’m waiting to see if I have cancer there. No one would tell me anything but the guy spent along time on my right kidney, like 3 times as much as on the other. Now I’ve got to wait over a week with all sorts going round in my mind. 

I have to remain positive, if it’s spread there I’m already looking what can be done. I just have to believe the drs are wrong and I’m going to be one of the few who can survive all this.

if I go I’m gonna go out fighting, it’s what works for me. You can’t just give up.

My neighbour has brain cancer, she’s doing really well with it. They’ve done a few ops and she’s had it a long time.

you will have to catch up with your daughter but get the colonoscopy done and see what you’re dealing with first. Fingers crossed it’s not anything as worrying as you think but I’d it is you’ll deal with it I promise.

the first few months are definitely the hardest, most emotionally challenging times but it does become easier I promise you. 

Thanks for the reply.

I'm sorry you're going through this at the moment.

You sound like a much stronger person than I could ever be.

Did the guy looking at your kidney say anything at all? 

I hope you have good news. I'm really struggling writing this to you because you actually have a diagnosis and I've not yet been diagnosed with anything. You are already my hero. 

Did you have  night sweats before you were first diagnosed?  Mine are terrible. I can be fine all day then when I fall asleep I drench the bed, again dismissed by doc's as anxiety. 

I think your attitude of hoping for the best while preparing for the worst is the right thing to do. My family don't think I should let my mind go there but it's all I think about. I dare not be too optimistic because of the crush if it's bad news.

I really wish you all the best with your results. 

J

I asked the guy if he had seen anything on the scan. He said “your dr will tell you that” I replied that the last time I had an ultrasound I found out I had cancer in my liver so I was obviously scared but he wouldn’t tell me anything. Which obviously just put me on edge even more.

yes - the night sweats went on for a couple of years, summer and winter the bed would be soaked in sweat and I’d have to turn over the duvet in the night. Last summer during my first few rounds of chemo I still had them but they eventually stopped. I’d forgotten about them.

You do seem to have very similar symptoms to me. Although it was the liver pain and sickness that got me into the hospital eventually so I’m hopeful that if you do have something it won’t be as advanced as mine was. 

Thank you for your kind words. I’ll be thinking of you Thursday, they probably won’t tell you results straight away everything takes so long  

Hey. Was thinking of you today. How did you get on? 

So, just got back from colonoscopy,  still quite spaced out.

They found another polyp,  0.8 cm pedunculated polyp. Which the guy said looked harmless but i have to wait for histology on it.

He didn't tattoo where he took it from or take a biopsy of that area of colon so I guess that sounds promising.

Upthewall, have you had any news this week? J

I’m glad it went well today, it all sounds very promising. Did he say when you’ll hear from them next?

I received my hospital discharge letter in the post this week and after googling a few terms on it I’m pretty sure it said there was no abnormalities in my ultrasound. Why no one could tell me that instead of leaving me to worry I don’t know but I am very relieved.

I see my oncologist on Monday for him to tell me the results of my latest CT scan on my bowel and liver, I’m keeping everything crossed that it’s all still shrinking   

Hi

Do you think your anxiety could be causing vertigo?

I've had a worrying couple of months and glad to say all worked out ok in the end.

I started having bad headaches, not dizzyness but lightheaded and unbalanced. Dr did full bloods and ecg both ok. I did the stupid thing and googled..... headaches worse in the morning etc... was put on vertigo tablets and have improved.

Just a thought, we always think the worst don't we.