My heart is breaking.

Hi all. I would like to introduce myself. Im new to the forum. It may be a long one I'm sorry.

I've been reading the posts on here for the last few days and it has helped me to be strong for this scary week. But I have so much confusion and questions and no idea what is happening so I thought I would take the time to do a post and have some guidance.

My dad has been ill for a while. He's always never been fully fit for as long as I can remember. Never anything in particular but more the case of he's always had a lack of energy, it can take him hours and hours to 'Prepare' himself for each day (feeling groggy), arthritis, a bad shoulder, poor circulation, always had a cough since I was tiny, which I assumed was normal with a smoker. Nerves, Anxiety, poor eyes and having no luck with his glasses causing him pressure and pain but then struggles without them. Palpatations (All of the above for as long as I can remember growing up, I'm 25)

 

Now the next part I feel incredibly guilty for, He lives alone, in our childhood home and I don't visit as often as I should. We keep in touch via messaging online and he seemed his usual self.

Last week he was taken into hospital and when I rushed up to see him I found out that in December he started to get a feeling all over his body that he can't describe, a pain or reaction/taste in his mouth when he tries to eat, his vision had almost gone and he couldn't stand without going dizzy and having palpatations again. So he phoned an Ambulance on christmas eve - by the time it arrived it calmed slightly they checked his Obs which then appeared normal. they basically said if you can get to the door your fine and not to waste their time. Then later he seeked help again but was told the same After that - Now this is the part that crushes me - He got into bed and curled up into a ball with the sheets over his head and stayed their for two weeks. Without eating. I had no idea and I feel awful. A family member found him in bed after two weeks of not eating and forced him to have an ambulance out again and he was so scared they would shout at him and didn't want to. This time after seeing how much weight he has lost they took him into hospital thankfully.

He had a chest xray and a ct scan and he was told theres a large shadow on his lung. Lung cancer. Since then this week hes had further tests a biopsy (I think) and we are still none the wiser yet but the hospital are being excellent so far. 

Now what I don't understand is this shadow, my dad knows/knew about it as it was on a scan about  15-20 years ago when I was a baby. 

So could it be lung cancer if this shadow was there then? 

Im so confused. They have also found a cyst on his kidney, his vision isnt great he can only see shadows and is hallucinating. He's trying to eat small amounts he really is trying so hard and I'm so proud of him, but he is struggling with eating. He's sweating a lot which terrfies me he may loose more weight. He has a cream substance he is coughing up that we don't know what it is either.

I just feel so confused and have no idea what is happening at the moment. So any guidance or advice on what I can say to the doctors or ask would be greatly, greatly apprciated. Thank you so much in advance. 

S x

  • Hi there ..

    What a nightmare ... those ambulance staff need a written complaint ... they should hang their head in shame ... no one should have to go through what your dad has .. and the Dr/oncology dept should be giving you all the info you need .. shorely he can't go home now .. can you get him into a care home near you .. where you can visit more often ... 

    Call McMillan and ask for advice about benifits he can claim for now .. they can even help you fill them in ..  reach out to anyone .. G P .. social services ... anyone .. tell them you want propped help for him now ..

    He sounds extremely poorly .. I really hope he's still in hospital ... if he is ask those Drs (not nurses) those questions you put on here ... let us know how you go ... Chrissie xx

  • Thankyou so much for your reply.

    Its been confirmed that it is definatly lung cancer. My heart is broken but I've been preparing myself for the answer. The MDT have advised he is best for best supportive care. But can't yet tell us how far along the spitulated nodule is but thankfully it is still within the lung and doesnt appear to have moved to lymph nodes or elsewhere. The reason my dad was so ill is that they discovered he also had sepsis so im keeping everything crossed that now its treated he starts to feel a little better within himself. 

  • Hello Sid.  Sorry to read about your dad.  I think many of us, being human, do (or don't do) things that can haunt us for some time.  Yes, your dad has been having a really rough time but the ultimate outcome would not have been very different from the sound of things.   You are obviously not the only family member and perhaps it was normal for your dad to be unwell?     If your dad will tell his medical staff to share the information about his illness with you it may help you understand what is going on; I hope that will help you as it is always better to know what is happening and what to expect.  I of course don't know for how long your dad has had the (now diagnosed) lung cancer but I can tell you  that I contracted pulmonary diagnosis when much younger - I was living in India where sadly it is (or certainly was at the time) very common.  I only mention this  because Icame back to the UK (before I knew I was so ill) and the consultant who diagnosed me - with a room full of student doctors there - said that it was not uncommon for the signs and symptoms of TB to be inititally mistaken for lung cancer (none of this much to cheer me up but I hoped it helped the students!).    Do come back and talk to us again when you have spoken with the doctors.  Best wishes.  Annie