Hi firsitly i have to say sorry in advance for my ignorance because up until my turmoil began last year i have been quite ignorant to a lot of things about my body and health it seems.

I developed a growth on my vulva in nov 2017 which i thought was a wart. I have a few on my hands and stupidly assumed they had come from there and spread so tried different over the counter creams and ointments but it didnt go away. it began to stretch along the skin to about 2cm and it was a strange longish shape, not typical of a wart so i eventually went to gp early in 2018 who said she didnt think it was a wart and referred me to gyno in hospital. appointment came and she checked me out. She told me she had to remove it for biopsy as it looked like a VIN. This was like french to me. Didnt know what a vin was so asked a few questions which the answers didnt really make sense to me so i googled it and educated myself that way. When i went for the biopsy the doc told me she would rather remove the whole thing instead of taking a piece of it, which she did and i went home with 8 stitches feeling very sorry for myself and extremely tender. i recieved a letter a few weeks later telling me i had a grade 4 VIN but it had all been removed and i could relax as this was not cancer. I would get 6 month checks from here on in. I never thought anything else of it.

I went for pap smear in january this year and 3 weeks later recieved a phone call asking me to attend hospital for colposcopy next day. i hadnt even had my smear results yet so didnt have a clue what colposcopy was for. again i googled it that night and realised something must be wrong with my smear. Myself and my husband went to clinic next day and i was told there was abnormalities in my cervical glands so she had to do a biopsy today. my hubby called my boss to tell her i wouldnt be back in at work that day and the doc did what she had to do. she didnt tell me what kind of biopsy she was doing and it was only after we got home and googled it again we realised there are various different types. i was told i would get a letter in 4-6 weeks but the HPV i had can cause this precancerous condition. EH/????????

i have been faithful to my hubby and he has been my only sexual partner in 16yrs so does this mean he has been unfaithful me ?? has this been what my vulval thingy was and it has progressed into my cervix?? have i or have i not had all the dodgy bits removed??? what will my letter say, what should i prepare for??? my head is just complete mash and im baffled how they can get abnormal results from a smear in 3 weeks yet i have to wait 4-6 for biopsy results. Im just all over the place. i work really hard and am trying to keep myself busy to stop thinking about it but its not working. i have lots of other symptoms which i didnt know were signs of cervical cancer and do now due to my google research so in total panic. if anyone can advise me and stop this chaotic mind going into over drive please do as i am at the end of my tether now. i am snappy and lashing out verbally at my hubby for no reason accept that subconciously i wonder if this means he has been unfaithful to me in our marraige and caused this. i have a rational angel on one side and totally irrational angel on the other but it seems i have suddenly gone deaf on my rational sides ear if you know what  i mean. any advice really really appreciated. thanks in advance and so sorry for the pity party i seem to be having for myself. i am usually such a strong person whom eveyone runs to for answers and help as i work with vulnerable families but at the moment i feel more vulnerable than them all combined together ;(