Hi Mama K,

You have had a hard time over the past five years. Did your mother or brother die from cancer? When I was first diagnosed 7½ years ago, my mind went into overdrive, as I had nursed my mum with cancer for 12 years, before she developed metastases and died. I have also cared for a number of other relatives and friends with cancer and thought that I knew too much to be prepared to go through all the surgery and treatment myself, just to experience further discomfort and sickness whilst not getting any betterment.

As it turned out I went for a lumpectomy, followed by Tamoxifen treatment for the first year. I refused radiotherapy, because I had a lump in my other breast which my surgeon ignored. My argument was that there was no point in treating one breast whilst ignoring the other, but that’s a long story and has all been mentioned in some of my earlier posts. The following year I found  another primary cancer in the same breast and had a double mastectomy followed by Letrozole, which I took for 6 years and only finished taking it last July. I have had so much back up from a number of different organisations, which were not available to any of the people I cared for and, the treatment I’ve been given is miles ahead of anything that they were offered.

It really is amazing what the wonderful people at cancer research are achieving, without us even recognizing it. A cancer diagnosis years ago was an almost certain death sentence. Now people can live with cancer. We still have a long way to go before this is so for all cancers, but hopefully the day will eventually come.

I can fully understand your anxiety whilst waiting for results. You will feel better once you know what type of breast cancer you have, what stage it is at and what your treatment regime will be. Whilst you are waiting for your appointment to see the consultant again, why not draw up a list of all the questions you need answers to? I do this for every appointment. It is also a good idea to take someone with you to all of your appointments.

With regards to telling your family and friends, that is up to you.  As Telemando says, most of us here have found our diagnosis easier to deal with, once we have confided in loved ones. As you are already discovering, this is not an easy thing to deal with on your own and,you do need to have the support of those around you.

You are still young and, I sincerely hope for your sake and that of your husband and young family , your diagnosis will not be as drastic as you seem to be expecting it to be.

I am thinking and praying for you and, hope that you will keep in touch once you know the results. We are always here for you whenever you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

My mother died from an autoimmune disease, and my brother had a liver transplant as a young man and developed complications.  My family does not have a history of cancer.  I continue to lose weight while I wait for tests.  I tried to eat toast this evening and felt full after one piece followed by nausea.  My GP called and said my basic bloodwork was witching normal range.  I have an abdominal CT on January 9 and chest CT and pulmonary consult on January 12.  This is a follow up as I had what appeared to be a penumonia in November and very enlarged chest nodes on the CT.  i was treated with antibiotics  but due to the infiltrate it was unclear if anything else was there.  I never had a cough, low oxygen and my lungs sounded clear which what leads me to think it really wasn’t a pneumonia. A few weeks before the pneumonia the doctor found abnormal breast tissue and I was sent for an ultrasound and mammogram, both which didn’t show much because of density issues. It was diagnosed as fibercystic breast tissue but they are repeating the ultrasound to make sure. I have to follow up with the breast doctor January 17.  So many appointments....a lot of waiting....and fatigue and nausea in the meantime. ️  I can’t stop thinking about my precious children and how much they need their mama.  This is so difficult. I’m so hopeful that it will be something else, but when I add it up it scares me...like something is spreading through my body, causing havoc throughout.  I just want to feel better, know what is wrong and hip it’s treatable.  My little ones need me and I need to be there for them.

Jules & Rome.... any news?  You’re in my thoughts.  This is so difficult.  My heart really bleeds for everyone on this site... those who know and those who wait.  

Hi MamaK

I'm going for my results in the morning, I will keep you posted, thank you for thinking of me. I really am so scared of what I'm going to hear but at least I'll know what I'm dealing with. 

Love to you all

Jules xx

Jules, I will be thinking of you and your family tomorrow.  I will check in for an update, then I think I’m going to take a little break from being online until I know more.... it’s just stressful to see some of the stories and statistics, yet I cannot stop seeking it out so it’s time to just stop and try to be hopeful and positive.  I’ll update after I have some of my testing.  

Good luck and God be with you no matter what the results.

Hi Jules,

Just to let you know that I am thinking of you tomorrow and hope that all goes well. I hope that hubby is going with you tomorrow?

Sitting with that cup of tea won't do you any good and, no doubt your mind is burling with all the worst case scenarios. Try to get some sleep, so that you can deal with whatever comes tomorrow head on.

Hope that you have some good news for us all then.

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine

Thank you for your kind words, not good news om afraid I have grade 2 lobular cancer and have been booked in for 25th Jan for a mastectomy and reconstruction. My world is falling apart, I'm staying strong for my girls, I had to tell them both on Friday night. My 8 year old sobbed, my 11 year old was trying to be brave but just looked she'll shocked, she cried but tried not to, I felt so guilty for making them cry. 

My husband came with me and asked most of the questions, as I was not registering anything that was being said. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified about the operation, I will have to wait until after then to find out whether I need chemo or radiotherapy. 

I also feel guilty for feeling this way when so many on here are going through this too. Just lost for words are the moment.

Love to you all

Jules xx

Hi Jules,

I am so sorry to hear your diagnosis, but please don’t look upon this as the end of the world. There was a day when a cancer diagnosis was a death sentence, but this is no longer the case, particularly when your cancer is only grade 2.

My mum died of secondary breast cancer 20 years ago and I myself have had 2 bouts of primary breast cancer in the past 7½ years. The first time I had a lumpectomy followed by Tamoxifen. After a year I found another lump and had a double mastectomy followed by Letrozole. I honestly had less bother with the mastectomy than I had with the lumpectomy and felt more confident that everything had been removed. 

I have also found a tremendous difference in the treatment and associated services available to me in contrast to what was available when mum had it.

Fear of the unknown is always difficult to deal with. I am glad that you have told your children. They are young to take in such devastating news. Now it is up to you how they deal with it. They will be guided by your reactions, so try to be as brave and matter of fact as possible. Children are really very resilient and can deal with open conversations. Fortunately, at 8 and 11, they don’t need too much detail. Keep things as simplistic as you can and you will all get through this.

 I was told that I needed radiotherapy the first time, but, due to some procedural errors, I didn’t have it. After my double mastectomy I was told that I didn’t need radiotherapy or chemo. You usually get your pathology results about 1 week after surgery and will then be advised on the best way forward.

I am glad to hear that your hubby went to your appointment with you. It’s amazing how all logical thought flies out the window as soon as you are given a cancer diagnosis.

You have no need to feel guilty at all. The feelings you are experiencing are all perfectly normal. Most of us have a whole raft of emotions when told this and it is not at all unusual to find ourselves, biting loved ones heads off one minute, crying copiously, suffering anger, pain, despair, worry about how family will cope - particularly where children are involved – the list is endless. Don’t worry if you find yourself crying a lot. This is therapeutic and helps to reduce some of the stress.

It may not seem like it at the moment, but things will get easier as you start along your cancer journey.

I shall be thinking of you on 25th January and look forward to hearing how it all goes after that. In the meanwhile, we are always here for you whenever you want to chat.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx