Hi all, 

I'm sure there are lots of messages like this one, but I thought I'd post a message anyway as it seems like a good place to vent my worry without unnecessarily alarming other people in my life!

I went to see my GP yesterday as my right breast has been feeling a bit tender lately. My breasts are quite naturally lumpy but recently it's felt like there is an area of my breast which is more solid than the rest. I don't know why, but I kind of expected the GP to say it was nothing and for me to carry on with the rest of my day as usual. Instead as soon as I mentioned slight pain in my right breast her general demeanour went from bright and breezy to serious and concerned. She asked me if I had any family history of breast cancer, and I told her my grandmother had it (she passed away from breast and lung cancer aged 68). I also remembered after my appointment that my mother's cousin had it, although my mum and aunt are fine (at least so far). She examined my breast, and although I hadn't actually mentioned finding any lumps she immediately found the place that I had identified myself. She said she wasn't sure if it was a lump, or just a nodule as my breasts are quite nodular, but she would refer me to a breast clinic for screening. She would recommend all available tests. She said she thought they would want to see me "very quickly". So as you can imagine I left the GP surgery alarmed. I also got a call from the hospital the same day (yesterday) to arrange an appointment - which also alarmed me as I figured they had prioritised me because they suspected it was cancer.

The appointment is for a week on monday. I'm not sure if I can wait that long because psychologically I'm already finding it very tough.

This year is a very big one for me as I'm getting married in three months. The wedding is abroad, everything's already organised, many people have booked their flights and accommodation. Me and my fiance are planning our life together. I can't imagine everything being disrupted by a breast cancer diagnosis. 

More than that, I can't imagine trying to face breast cancer if that is the diagnosis. The GP said I should try not to worry, and that most cases are benign, but I am upset that I was referred so quickly. 

I tried to talk to my Mum about it, especially as my stepdad is a retired doctor, but both of them immediately dismissed it by saying if I have any pain the likelihood is that it's not anything serious. My boyfriend is being very understanding, and saying that if it's serious we can postpone the wedding, we'll do whatever it takes. But I already have a lot going on in my life and I'm struggling to imagine the possibility, however unlikely, of taking breast cancer on as well. 

How do people cope with this? I don't want to mention it to friends as I don't have a diagnosis of anything yet. But at the same time I find it hard to socialise etc as normal with this dread hanging over me.

Sophie x