I have a lump and had an ultrasound. The NP suggested cancer Without a biopsy and the oncologist did as well without a biopsy. The Oncologist and I had words (Not nice ones). I've since decided not to get a biopsy, found an MD that agrees with me about not getting the biopsy and am using more wholistic methods. 

please please please trust the doctors who have been practising medicine for 7+ years. A biopsy is not a particularly long procedure and it will give you a more definitive answer. I think I’m about to be given bad news, we’ve got children 3 and 5 years old. Me and my wife are/will doing/do whatever gives us the best chance of keeping us as a complete family as long as possible. Don’t want to be rude but don’t be a mug!

Hi Wiggy,

Welcome to our forum.

I sincerely hope that you are wrong and, that your results are not as bad as you're expecting.

Do please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Thankyou jolamine

when  say I , I meant we. My wife is the one awaiting results and it’s heartbreaking watching this whirlwind going on around me. I’m staying positive and have my fingers crossed. We’ve got lots of support. We are going to stay strong. We can do this whatever the result because we have to. 

Hi Wiggy,

One of the sad things about cancer is that it doesn't just affect the individual. It affects their entire family. There are so many young families going through this torture at the moment. How is your wife coping with all that is happening? There are so many unknowns and a whirlwind of activity when first attending the breast clinic, that she will not feel in charge of all that is happening. No matter what the results turn out to be, she should feel better emotionally once she knows exactly what she is dealing with.

If she is anything like me when I was diagnosed 10 years ago, she will be giving you a hard time emotionally. This is not intentional. It is just so hard to take it all in and, we tend to lash out at our nearest and dearest in an effort to reduce our fears and worries. You sound like a great support to her. All I can say is 'hang on in there things will improve'. It is difficult to stay positive, but do please try, as it makes all the difference to how you will both cope with a cancer diagnosis.

It sounds as if you have started out by both being totally open about all that is going on to one another. Try to keep these doors open, as it makes all the difference in the world to have someone to talk to openly about everything.

When are you due to get the results? Are you planning to attend this appointment with her? She will need someone with her, especially if the results are not good. It can also be a good idea to draw up a list of questions before each appointment. Your input will be helpful, as you may think of questions that she doesn't. This list will change from one visit to the next.

I tend to type out 2 copies of this. I keep one and my hubby has the other. As I ask questions he writes down the answers, because it is all too easy to forget to ask important questions or to forget the replies before you have even left the hospital.

I do hope that the results turn out to be better than you're expecting. Do please keep in toouch and let us know how you are getting on. We are always here for you both.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

she’s actually not giving me a hard time. She’s worried but she is being really good. I’m just throwing positivity at her. Some of it is running off. So I’ll keep that tactic. Hopefully all will be fine. 

Thankyou again. 

Hi Wiggy,

I'm glad to hear that she's not giving you a hard time, but you may still have to face this at some stage. We often tend to become very emotional and to cry at the slightest thing.

It's good to hear that some of your positivity is running off on her. Keep on throwing as much as you can.

Have you been given an appointment to get your tests yet?

Fingers crossed that they are better than you expect.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

so she had that ultrasound type thing, then immediately had a biopsy and bloods done and awaiting the results. The appointment for the results is Tuesday next week. Longest week ever. I appreciate I may have to face it, but I’ve been through the crying thing/emotions (myself and my wife)the first two days. I’m not a big fan. Just wanna see if/what we’re dealing with and go from there. I just wanted to say earlier that if a doctor recommends something, I’d probably do it/encourage others to do it. 

Hi Wiggy,

Time does drag when you are waiting for results. It is best to try and keep busy and to try and avoid consulting 'Dr Google'. Much of his information is out of date, poorly researched and aims at the spectacular. It is best to stick to well respected sites like this one.

It is important to have a good relationship and trust in the doctors concerned in your care. Without this it is sometimes difficult to follow all advice given. I had to change my surgeon part-way through my cancer journey. What a difference it made to be able to trust the advice given by my second surgeon and, to be able to discuss things openly with him.

I hope that all goes well for you both on Tuesday.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

The result was metastasis melanoma. I need to know as much as possible about this. Google is scary, but I’ve dug through and I think/hope there are some positive cases of people surviving this. I’m trying to be positive. NHS told me urgent for a CT scan was 3 weeks. Luckily they’ve managed to squeeze my wife in for one in under 1. I don’t know what else to say really. 

Hi Wiggy,

I am so sorry to hear the diagnosis. Did they give you a staging for this?  You won't know much more until after your wife has her CT scan, but I'm glad to hear that she has been fitted in for this in under 1 week.

If you are looking things up, try to stick to reputable sites like this one. If you want to hear more about people's journeys with melanoma, click on the blue ribbon on the top of this page, click on the search box and insert 'metatastic melanoma' and click again. This wll bring up previous posts on this topic.

Have they discussed any possible treatment with you yet, or are they waiting until after the results of the CT scan are back first?

If you want to stay positive about this, try sticking to the positive stories to start with.

Thinking of you both and hoping for better news next time.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Hi Wiggy,

I am so sorry to hear the diagnosis. Did they give you a staging for this?  You won't know much more until after your wife has her CT scan, but I'm glad to hear that she has been fitted in for this in under 1 week.

If you are looking things up, try to stick to reputable sites like this one. If you want to hear more about people's journeys with melanoma, click on the blue ribbon on the top of this page, click on the search box and insert 'metatastic melanoma' and click again. This wll bring up previous posts on this topic.

Have they discussed any possible treatment with you yet, or are they waiting until after the results of the CT scan are back first?

If you want to stay positive about this, try sticking to the positive stories to start with.

Thinking of you both and hoping for better news next time.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

No treatment mentioned yet. We’ll no doubt get the results after the CT scan. We’re in the dark a bit at the moment as we walked into a breast clinic and are in the process of being transferred to dermatology. The nurse from the breast clinic is amazing. She really is a lovely person, however this isn’t her speciality and from what I’ve gathered no treatment options are available until they have all the facts, which is completely understandable. 

Just going to have to wait until Monday now. I’m going to start writing this whole journey down for my own sanity and when it becomes less painful to share it, I will. Just in case it helps anyone else.  

Hi Wiggy,

I've been following your posts for a while but it sits outside my experience as a patient, though I do know people who have survived a late stage melanoma diagnosis. 

Please try to avoid Dr Google as madness and quackery lie down that route. This site, https://www.melanomauk.org.uk/ and MacMillan are about the best around. 

Good luck with the CT scan results!

Dave 

Thankyou Dave. Honestly that actually makes me feel better. When I say I Dr Googled it I saw the initial search results, then dug deeper, but it is all just guess work until they have the cold hard facts. As it’s my wife I’m trying to learn so much so quickly. I’m getting to grips with what all the letters and numbers actually mean. Just so when I go in I actually understand it better. I commented on this forum simply because I trusted the site. I know google is terrible. I googled something trivial once (literally I wasn’t worried at all) and it told me I had Anthrax poisoning. Made me chuckle and taught me a lesson. Obviously I knew I didn’t have Anthrax poisoning. Anyway. I’m just going to keep learning and try to understand, simply to know what they’re doing to my wife. 

Again. Thankyou Dave

Hi Wiggy,

I thought that this might be the case. There is no point in planning treatment until you have a full diagnosis.

I have been in a similar position to your wife on 3 different occasions. It is quite a different experience in dermatology as opposed to the breast care clinic. I have had suspected melanoma maligna each time, one on my back,  one on my leg and one on my face.

The dermatologist referred me to the plastic surgeon for the 2 latter lesions, but fortunately, after an excisional biopsy, they turned out to be benign, or at least that's what I hope to hear when I return for my check up in July. I must say that I found the plastic surgeon and his nurses to be amazing too, so I hope that this is your wife's experience as well.

Many people find it helpful to write down an account of the cancer journey. You will also find this helpful to refer to when you are asked questions further down the line.

Can you try and do something pleasant with your children over the weekend to distract yourselves from the wait? Monday doesn't sound that far away until it's you who are doing the waiting!

Kind regards,

Jolamine