Hi everyone. I'm here because I have a...lumpy thing...in the left armpit area, towards my breast. To my shame, I put off getting it checked by a doctor until very recently, despite discovering it around November 2024. I was dealing with something else at the exact time I discovered it: I was about to have an MRI to seek an acoustic neuroma, a type of brain tumour, due to tinnitus in one ear. The MRI came back all clear - but the anxiety around that was enormous. I think I just couldn't really cope with the idea of immediately going back to the doctor with another issue like that, and in a twisted way thought I wouldn't be believed/accused of having hypochondria... even though the lump is a physical thing that can be felt. It was a weird and regrettable logic. But anyway. I decided to monitor the armpit lump, and it never changed. It's quite small and smooth; I think firm without being hard - meaning it's harder compared to everything else, which is why I can feel it, but it's not like a stone, and I think moveable rather than fixed. It has never caused pain. But it also never went away. So I finally drummed up the courage to see the doctor. She told me I have 'quite lumpy breasts', and she could feel the armpit thing. She told me she used to work in a breast clinic and didn't think it was 'that' (meaning cancer) which was reassuring, and mentioned it could be something to do with my 'autoimmune thing' after I told her I have Raynaud's and eczema when it's winter. But she has referred me on the basis that it's policy and I'm over 35 (I'm nearly 40). I have an appointment at the breast clinic in 10 days.
So that's the history, and the future shall be whatever my results are, and right now is the waiting game which I'm kind of losing terribly. My theory is that it's a lymph node rather than cyst or lipoma, and I have essentially already diagnosed myself with breast cancer that has spread to my nodes, or lymphoma, either of which will be caught too late because I didn't go to the doctor sooner. Even though my doctor was reassuring, I just don't really know what else it could be based on the things I've read because nothing really fits. But at the same time, I don't think I have any other worrying symptoms such as unexplained weight loss, fatigue, changes to my breasts or other noticeably new or odd lumps.
It's like I've had a mental block about this lump for ages, but now I have an appointment; the mental blockage has cleared all at once and it's just one big spiral down.
My question is around how to stay calm and stop panicking and catastrophising when waiting for the next appointment? I understand that if I have a biopsy, there will be further waiting. It just seems impossible not to think about this every second of the day and feel like the worst-case scenario is most realistic. How do you/have you coped?
