Hi all, my names Jess and I'm 34. I have a 3 year old daughter and have recently given birth to premature identical twin boys 9 weeks ago. My husband and I have struggled since getting the boys home and as a result I've suffered with severe anxiety and depression. Last night I was in the bath and was checking my breasts and was probably determined to find something due to my health anxiety and guess what I did. I can't say for sure its an obvious lump but I have some very dense tissue that feels rigid when I move my fingers over it. Can't tell for sure if its the same on the other side but I've definitely convinced myself one side is bigger and raised.

So today I visited the gp and she examined me for what seemed like 20 min. She agreed and said she could feel something squishy and rubbery like and said she didn't know whether it could be down to my hormones (having my 1st horrendous postpartum period) or something else. She asked if I had breastfed and I said I only expressed for 3 weeks and ended early January so she happily ruled that out. She didn't know whether it warranted a refferal so she said she will speak with her colleague and I would recieve a text later with the outcome. I've recieved that text and all it goes on about is suspected urgent cancer referral. When i was 17 i also found a lump in my breast when i was in the shower. Once again i was probably looking for it as i had just lost my mum to cholangiocarcinoma. I was reffered to the breast clinic the day after my mums funeral where they scanned me and said I basically have lumpy breasts and there was no masses seen. Being 17 i knew the risk was really low but now I'm 34 I'm really starting to panic. If I wasn't freaked out before I well and truely am now. I haven't slept or eaten in two days, I cry all day long believing that I'm going to die and miss my babies grow up. Im having panic attacks left right and centre and feel sick to my stomach all day long, I honestly can't cope.

Can anyone put my mind at rest or help me cope with some of these issues as I'm making myself physically sick with worry and feel like I cant care for for my babies properly. They have had a rough start with 5 and a half weeks in the nicu and another hospital admission just only last week. I just feel like there is always something from stopping our family from looking forward to the future as my husband is also having investigations due to severe rectal bleeding.

Apologies if post sounds thrown together and a bit gibberish. I'm literally only functioning on adrenaline at the moment.

Thanks, for listening.