Just for a bit of context, I've not had the best of luck with my local GP in the past. I've literally been called a "hypochondriac" by my childhood doctor, how she said I was "just unhealthy". These comments left an imprint and I didn't have an adult advocating in my corner growing up so lots of things have just never been looked into properly. I had to learn to just get on with things and do invalidate myself quite frequently. 

I've tried really hard to work on these issues because I do recognise my anxiety effects all aspects of my life, including my health and how I describe things, ALWAYS will come across with an element of anxiety - so I've been trying to train my brain into speaking more concisely, and picking up on when I'm rambling and going off topic. I finally managed to get myself down to the GP on Friday(23rd May). I've had swollen lymph nodes in my neck since November, maybe before but that is when I noticed "OK you're not going". Realising we're now May and they still hadn't gone, I forced myself to make the much needed appointment. 

I also have sinus issues and migraines, I had the belief that this is what we were going to focus on. I made the assumption my lymph nodes were due to the sinus infection just not shifting. I had a list of symptoms and on there was "drenched night sweats", he promptly asked me if I also get itchy skin, I went on a small tangent about how it's been really annoying because I've switched laundry products and I'm still super itchy. I'll be having my blood taken on Monday, and were going from there. 

I didn't realise, or even consider my "health anxiety" had been perhaps my instincts. I haven't felt well for some time. Having a baby and previously struggling with ED, I assumed I relapsed and that's why I lost so much weight, but my mind didn't exhibit any of my previous thought habits, I didn't want to loose weight, and I've been actively trying to keep it on, I've spoken to friends about how annoying it is. I really enjoyed my weight gain throughout pregnancy and its been a goal to be a healthy size 10 when I'm still wearing my 6 to 8's, it's a little upsetting at points. 

It's scary to think that right now anything is a possibility. I very well may not have any need for follow up appointments after they look into things. I don't want to let my anxiety take a hold, it's completely reasonable to be worried about the possibility of needing to gi through this, BUT I need to not think about it too much whilst my doctor takes further tests. 

I really really appreciate seeing the GP I did this time. He looked past my anxieties and helped me to stay grounded whilst we talked more directly about the needed issue. He didn't judge me for being me and has actually listened to how I don't feel well, I'm really grateful for seeing a good GP.