My dad won't go to the doctor

hi guys, I thought I would come on here and see if I could find some advice. my dad is in his late forties and a heavy smoker, spending most of the time he isn't at work smoking. he's lost a lot of weight in the past five years or so and at first we out it down to the amount of stress he was under managing his business but it's been years and he's only just barely putting a bit of weight on now. he's frequently having coughing/gagging fits, seems to have a food aversion and rarely eats two meals a day let alone three. he also constantly has issues with his stomach and complains of bleeding (which the entire family suffers from rarely as we're prone to piles) but his is frequent and quite heavy. recently i've been in the bathroom straight after him and what was left in the bowl after flushing was mushy and horrible looking with traces of pinkish blood. I think he used to have issues with bleeding about 15 years ago and got checked then and we given the all clear. But he hadn't lost so much weight then

I don't know what to do. both my mum and my dad have zero faith in modern medicine and have both said there's no way they'd go to the hospital for anything but a broken bone. there's no way to get my mum to bully him into going as she's even said herself she won't get any of her moles checked and if anything ever happens to her at home (heart attack, stroke, ect) not to ring an ambulance. neither of them will listen to me as I can be a little "health anxious".

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that something will happen to both of them and my 16 year old brother will be left with no one but me and our older brother.

  • Hi anxiousammy and welcome to the forum.

    I'm sorry to hear about your dad and that he's not willing to see a doctor about his symptoms. This must be very difficult.

    Hopefully some of our members who have been in a similar situation with their loved ones will be along soon to share their thoughts and advice, but if you'd like to have a chat about this with one of our cancer nurses, you can give them a call on 0808 800 4040. Their phone lines are open Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m and they will do all they can to support you and help you figure out what to do.

    If you haven't done so already, you could try contacting your dad's GP surgery to make them aware of your concerns as well.

    We're here for you anxiousammy, and will have our fingers crossed your dad will speak to someone about his symptoms soon.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi, 

    It's a difficult situation to be in because you're dad is an adult and if he has mental capacity then he can make a decision even if it is unwise.  However, usually the advice is if there is blood in the stools or urine it is time to go to the GP and get it checked out as it can be concerning.  If your father is struggling to eat and has other symptoms it could be several things.  I don't know if there are any other relatives you can talk to about your concerns that might be able to persuade your dad.  I would ask them what is their concern about going to the GP, what are the benefits compared to the drawbacks of going to the GP.  If he goes and everything is ok then the worst is a wasted journey that will help you have peace of mind if nothing else, and if he goes and they find something then they can do something about it.  I would advise you tell your parents about your concerns and also send them information about the symptoms.  You could advise him that you will go to the GPS with him for support, and advise him that you love and care about him so you want to make sure that his health is ok.  You could try to convince your dad to call the GPS or 111 for advice with his symptoms first if this might encourage him.  I am not sure what is putting your dad off seeing the GP so it might be worth asking him so you can talk about it and what his fears are.