Hi,

I feel quite alone with everything right now so thought I'd do a post here and hopefully speak to others who might be going through the same thing. I'm 34 with 3 kids and my husbands just recently left because he can't deal with my health. So I'm very alone.

I've had a lot of health issues gor the past 7 months, back and forth the hospital for different surgeries procedures but at the beginning of it all back in september I started to notice loads of little lumps on my palate of my mouth I could feel them with my tongue but because I had so much to deal with I put it off until things gots worse, I left it until the end of January after I finally looked in the mirror at my throat/mouth and noticed all of the little bumps and my right tonsil was swollen but painless. It had white patches on it too and looked like a hole in the middle. My voice has been changing and going very deep for a while and my voice goes when I'm talking sometimes too. So at the end of January I booked in with the GP. He referred me to an ENT specialist. While i was waiting for my appt i noticed a hard painless lump on the right side of my neck under my jaw, its not visible to look at but i could feel it. I have been struggling with swallowing food and drink aswell. I saw the ENT specialist last week so the appointment was very quick. He felt the lump and then looked at it with his camera I could feel the camera touching the lump inside. He done some tests asking me to say different letters but while I had my head up and he was looking and I said the letter E for a long time I struggled my voice really broke. After he done all of the test he said I don't think it's sinister but I want to refer you for some more tests, he said I needed a scan for the lump and an xray for my swallowing. He also said he wants to keep seeing me to keep an eye on my voicebox. I also have had white spots on my lips for 2 years didn't think much of them and when I was checking my throat in the mirror I saw them all inside my cheeks so I mentioned that to him but he said hes not medically trained in that and will refer me to the skin specialist for that. I've been told it could be leukolplakia on my lips and in my mouth but not 100% sure. 

I am so worried about it all, I've not felt right for a while, I struggle to sleep, not with the worry but because I can't swallow my saliva I wake myself up because im struggling to swallow continuously and it wakes me up. I've been a bit breathless and my voice is just not the same anymore. For a while before all of this I've been feeling very fatigue and lost quite a lot of weight which i was worried about but I don't know what's causing it or even if that's connected, as it may not be. I was eating some soft potatoes the other night for tea and some got stuck above the lump and it made me panic. The lump feels like it's digging in, It feels like it's growing on the inside not outside, but ive had a few family and friends say they can see my neck is bigger than the other side but can't see the lump. Everyone can feel it though when I point it out.

I have had abnormal cells removed again from my cervix, I had it done years ago from my first ever smear and this was my 3rd one and I had it again. So that's what is worrying me about my throat. No one has listened to me for months, i wasnt that worried at first but i did start to when things changed alot especially because my voice has changed so much. I do smoke but not long started again so my voice can't be changing because of that I sound like I smoke about 60 cigarettes a day. I'm only young and as I say I have 3 kids to look after. I am trying to quit smoking but I'm struggling as my husband of almost 15 years has recently left me and I'm going through the worse stress with the worry of this and him leaving me.

I'm just awaiting for my appointments now, but one thing I can't stop thinking about is how the ENT specialist was with me, the way he said I don't think it's sinister, surely he would say its definitely not sinister if he really thought it wasn't. And would he really tell me it's sinister before the tests confirm and let me walk out of there worrying me even more? The way he was with me felt like hes suspecting it but wouldnt tell me as he could see how worried i was. It's not helped me because it's so many tests and I've been through so much already and suffer with anxiety. 

I have honestly tried to Google anything else that all of these symptoms could be that is nothing to worry about to out my mind at rest but I can't find any answers because there's just too much going on. But even if it was sinister there are also no answers because I have a few different issues going on. I'm driving myself mad and had to stop goggling now because it's making me ill with the worry. 

Has anybody else came across this with an ENT specialist, should I be worried that I've been sent for all of these tests? And should I be worried that he wants to keep seeing me to keep an eye on my voicebox ? 

Thanks for reading x