My partner has suddenly started having rectal bleeding and other abnormalities, which have developed over 3 weeks. His GP couldn’t find anything abnormal on a physical exam, but referred him for a FIT test. The result came back really high and with the comment “higher risk for CRC”. The symptoms are getting worse, with more bleeding and more abnormalities developing. They have called him in for a CT and colonoscopy but the appointment isn’t for 2 weeks.
My partner is so stressed and worried; he isn’t sleeping well but won’t really talk about it and is very distant. I had to nag him to get him to go to the GP and I phoned the hospital myself about the referral. He won’t phone his GP again to say the symptoms are getting worse.
He said he has sort of resigned himself to it not being okay and if I mention any future topic to try to distract him, he makes comments about “Well I’ll be dead from cancer by then”. I know this is probably a coping mechanism but it breaks my heart to hear him talk like this.
I feel sick with anxiety all the time and I am struggling to concentrate on anything. He has hinted heavily that if the diagnosis is cancer then we will be breaking up because he won’t put me through it. We have only been together a little over a year but I really desperately don’t want to lose him, in any way. His Dad died of cancer and apparently was very difficult to be around during his illness, especially for his Mum.
I am trying to be normal with him and do our normal things. Sometimes I can make him laugh and he seems to forget for a bit, but it is only brief. I also am talking with him directly about cancer, telling him we don’t know the diagnosis and even if it is the worst, then we can deal with it as a team and very often bowel cancer can be treatable. I have told him I love him and that I absolutely won’t be leaving him over this. Sometimes he clings to me a bit but most of the time he is very distant.
Does anybody have advice from being the person in this situation? Is it better to talk calmly about what is happening or just ignore it? Does it help when friends and family act like things are normal or is annoying? Does being given reassurance and affection help, or is it better to give space?
I know the answer is probably that it depends on the person, but as you can maybe tell, my head is in a proper mess and I would just really appreciate anybody else’s perspectives. I just want to do the best thing to support him (I have asked him what that might be once over text message - he didn’t reply).
