That's a lot to be dealing with and I'm sorry you are going through it.  I've had battles with anxiety most of my life too and have had similar thoughts about parts of my body.  I am currently on a referral for breast cancer, and when doing the examination, my GP wanted to feel both breasts, to compare them for any bits that were different.

It sounds like your anxiety about this is causing you a lot of distress.  What do you think you need to not feel this way?  For example, if a doctor examined you and told you your breasts were normal, would that reduce your anxiety?  Because the GP is not just there to check for cancer, but they can be consulted about all health matters.  You can go to them and tell them about your anxiety too, especially if it's disrupting your daily life.  You can ask to see a lady doctor if that makes you more comfortable.

Thank you for replying. 

I’m actually unsure if speaking to my GP would help. I feel it would help for a short amount of time, but then I’d probably spiral again and be worried they missed something. I’d be worried I’d become reliant on visits to the GP for reassurance.

I’m not entirely sure if anything will ever stop the fear entirely. Cancer is simply just out of my hands, and that’s what terrifies me. Sure I can choose to not drink or smoke excessively or at all, but at the end of the day I could still get it. This lack of control is what terrifies me. I think that’s the same reason I fear the hair loss. It’s not necessarily the hair itself, but having no control or choice over it happening. It’s just gone and I feel I’d struggle to recognise myself in the mirror, and that after treatment I’d feel so lost and traumatised that I’d struggle to find myself again. If I chose to shave or cut my hair short, which I have considered in the past, it wouldn’t be an issue since it was MY choice. It’s just the fact that I would have that choice taken away from me that scares me.

This may also sound odd, but I feel like cutting my hair short would actually help with this fear as well. Not saying I’d force myself, but maybe when I’m older and I feel like it I might just bite the bullet and do it. That why, if I ever got cancer, it wouldn’t be a shock and I’d have more confidence. Does that make sense? I love the idea of having short hair, but not if it’s sudden and not my choice. So, maybe that’s something to consider.

But, maybe going to a GP could help reduce my fear around getting tested. I’m just not sure, and I’d feel weird asking my parents when there is no obvious signs I actually have cancer, it’s just all in my head.

Saying that, maybe I should use that positive mindset if I ever got cancer and had to do chemotherapy? 

I could tell myself ‘Yeah this sucks and I miss my hair but, think of all the styles I could try?’ I’ve read post about woman who ended up loving the bald look and short hair! So, maybe that positive thinking could help me now and if I got cancer. I could say ‘I might have never had the confidence to cut my hair myself, but now I can!’

maybe this sounds silly, but suddenly I really considering cutting my hair when I’m uni for the exact reason. That or maybe I’m just running on adrenaline and tomorrow I’ll be saying ‘hell no!’  

that all sounds very much like how I've felt - in a 'if I can't control when lose this, perhaps if I see what's it like to be without it I'll not feel as scared of losing it' way.  Doesn't sound silly at all.  And I cut my own hair short in my third year at University, and then grew it out again after because I did prefer it long.  But being a student is time for trying things out.

Then maybe that is something to consider. And, like I said, even if I decided not to when I go to university, if I did get cancer, I could use this mindset to deal with it better.

Thank you,

I still feel a little nervous to be honest, because obviously losing my life is more concerning than my hair. But, I feel much better about losing my hair now. It could be an opportunity for experimenting if I got cancer. Or, I could get my hair to deal with the fear cancer.

But, if you want my honesty I probably won’t do this till I go to university. I’d feel weird explaining this to he parent, so waiting to decide when I moved out would be better.

Plus, the people at my sixth form suck, and probably wouldn’t take my drastic hair change very well. And, I’d like to do my A-level without ridicule. At least at university nobody would know me or care. And, if I really was worried, I could cut it before university so no one even knows I had long hair before. 

Thank you again! I talk to my counsellor at school about my anxieties a lot, so maybe this could be something worth discussing. But, if not, at least I feel better now. 

Sorry *cut not get

daisy77777 said:

I’m actually unsure if speaking to my GP would help. I feel it would help for a short amount of time, but then I’d probably spiral again and be worried they missed something. I’d be worried I’d become reliant on visits to the GP for reassurance.

this is very insightful.  And I think if you told the GP that it may help them find the right treatment plan for you to reduce the effect of this anxiety.  

I’ll definitely speak with her then, and I’ll try to talk to my GP soon if these feelings continue, to feel distressing. 

Thank you again! Have a good day! :D

Hi Daisy. I just saw your post on here and had to reply and offer some reassurance. I’m 32 and have spent the majority of my life struggling with health anxiety, although I didn’t understand what it was until about 5 years ago. 
My health anxiety has always focussed specifically on cancer worries and over the years I have been genuinely worried I’ve had all types of cancer, so I understand completely how you’re feeling. You’re only 16, so the fact that you recognise that most of your problems are probably anxiety is something to be really proud of. It took me much longer to know that. Awareness is the first step to overcoming anxiety and from there you can take back control. You can self refer to talking therapies or go via your GP. I did a guided self help course for health anxiety three years ago that absolutely changed my life, and I’m currently undergoing a similar therapy course because my health anxiety has reared its head again. I can’t recommend the service enough. It’s all through the NHS so completely free and you can self refer as I say. Just google NHS talking therapies in your area.

I promise you it will free you from all these worries.

Take care and make your mental health as much of a priority as your physical health, you won’t regret it. Jen x