I'm so grateful to have found this space, as I just don't know who to talk to.

My journey so far - had my smear in August and that detected abnormal cells so was referred to hospital for a Lletz procedure. At my appointment the doctor said they were concerned, as they didn't know where my abnormal cells were coming from, which was very rare, so they wanted me to have a procedure and to come back the next day for a scan of my womb. It was a long wait after this. I received lots of questionnaires asking for feedback on my experience, one from haematology and one from oncology which concerned me (cancer alarm bells) so I called the hospital. I was told the questionnaire from haematology was an error and the reason I received one from oncology was because my consultant worked in gynaecology and oncology. That concerned me, how would my feedback be useful if he works in 2 departments and also, I didn't feel my experience was complete for me to give feedback.

After around 8 weeks of no results I called gynaecology for an update. A few calls later I was told the consultant had been on leave and was waiting an MDT discussion regarding a plan for me. After more calls the administrator did her best to translate the notes on the system. She said I had high grade precancerous cells and although my results hadn't detected cancer, they were inconclusive and a benign cyst had been identified. She also said an appointment had been booked on the system for another Lletz procedure to take place and I should receive a letter in the post. A week later I had received no letter so called and the administrator said she would send a draft letter for me. I received this and a separate letter regarding my results from my Lletz. A week later I received a letter regarding the official appointment.

I went for my 2nd Lletz appointment just over a week ago. At the appointment the consultant said they were concerned about my high grade pre cancerous cells and that they couldn't rule out cancer. He said if cancer is detected from the 2nd procedure or if it comes back inconclusive again I'll need to have an hysterectomy and to expect my results in 4 weeks but if the results are positive I won't hear until 8 weeks. I then had the procedure. 

To give you a picture of my situation, I have two young kids, one is 4 in January and one is 19 months. I am still breastfeeding and as I have two little ones it is impossible for me to rest. My youngest is dependent on me and wants to feed a lot through the night. On Monday night I noticed an unpleasant rotten smell coming from my insides, my face had doubled in size from swollen lymph nodes, had a splitting headache, fever and mild cramping. This didn't seem right, so I booked an appointment at my local GP and was seen by a trainee that day. I explained my situation and how I was feeling. She didn't acknowledge that I was awaiting cancer results with any compassion or empathy. She got me to take a swab and prescribed antibiotics and told me to carry on as normal. I found that really poor, is there anything I should be avoiding?! Where was the 'this must be a really anxious time for you, how are you finding that?' I look really unwell.

I am someone that doesn't typically take time off sick but I have today, as my body is telling me I need to rest and I'm physically and mentally drained. I'm scared what it will mean for my family if I have to have a hysterectomy. I'll be forced to wean myself off my little boy and how will I care for my kids when I'm recovering, I've planned the first proper party for my little girl turning 4 in February. I have no local support network. I have my partner but it is a lot already with the two of us healthy and what happens after the hysterectomy? How will they be sure that all of the abnormal cells or cancer has been removed?

Sorry to rant but it is helpful to have a space to do this. I also don't mean to be critical of the NHS (I work for the NHS so know how it is), as they have detected this and are working to find a diagnostic. I think the biggest failure has been the lack of compassion and empathy from the consultant and trainee gp. The administrators were great, as they did their best to give me an update and were really supportive on the phone. I just felt they were just trying to get me in and out, which is probably due to insufficient staffing.

Anyway, has anyone been in a similar position? How did you feel and what was the outcome? If you know yet. Please feel free to use this space to offload too.