Hi everyone 

My name is Wendy and I'm 53

I'm going out of my mind with worry and really don't know where to turn.

In August, I went for a routine eye hospital appointment. I have a mole on my eye that I have had since childhood and I'm supposed to get it checked annually just to make sure that it hasn't grown. Like an idiot, I'd let life get in the way and hadn't been since 2015! I left thinking nothing of it. Then in October I received an appointment asking me to go back to the eye clinic in February. I rang in a bit of a panic wondering why. An oncologist professor rang me back and said that he sees these melanoma regularly but not usually as large as mine, and hes concerned so wants to see me again to have it measured and see if its grown but it's very slow growing if it is. I said if it is growing, will we then look at whether it needs treatment. He said if its grown at all the ONLY reason would be that its malignant and they WOULD definitely be admitting me, sewing a radiotherapy plaque into my eye for about a week. I asked him should I be worried and he said hes not allowed to just be nice to me and YES he is concerned that its malignant. Now I've just been told my appointment has been brought forward to January 6th and I'm absolutely terrified. All I can think is that I might have cancer. I can't get it out of my head. My husband is great but I don't know how to manage this as its not like I've actually been diagnosed yet. Sorry this is a long post, I'm just so scared. If I am admitted it will at a hospital in London and I'll only be allowed 1 visitor for a maximum of 2 hrs a day because of the treatment risk of radiation and I'm already worrying about how we'll manage financially with my husband travel and also how I'd get there and back as we dont drive and I use a wheelchair or mobility scooter due to not being able to walk very far after a fractured ankle and tearing ligaments in jan that wont heal.