Hi Anxious-Rick, 

A warm welcome to Cancer Chat and don't worry you are not waffling at all and this is what the forum is for: to offload and share with others how you are feeling at the moment as you are going through all these urgent tests and anxiety is going through the roof. You did well to summon up the courage to go and see the doctor on Friday to get this sore throat issue looked into. It must have been a bit of a shock for you to have this appointment for an endoscopy arranged so quickly but as you said it's good that things are moving fast and they are being thorough in checking all this. It sounds like you had a bit of a panic attack when getting to the hospital and it's nice that they rearranged it and that you will be seen very soon. It might be worth getting in touch with your GP perhaps tomorrow so that you speak to someone ahead of your appointment. Make sure you explain what happened and that you would like to avoid this happening again on Wednesday and I am sure they will have some good suggestions for you so that you feel calmer for next time. Going through tests and waiting for a diagnosis is the hardest thing and we have helpful tips to help you cope while waiting for important news. 

You are definitely not alone and another thing that can help you deal with your anxiety is perhaps talking to someone else on the forum who is currently in a similar place and I think I may have spotted just the right person for you. This morning another member, Sophie, with the username Rafi posted this oesophageal cancer thread and commented just this morning that she was feeling very anxious about her endoscopy tomorrow - don't hesitate to post a response to her thread and I hope that you will find comfort in talking to one another and encouraging one another as you are both waiting to have the same procedure. 

Best of luck for Wednesday and keep strong - we know you can do it! Let us know if you get a chance how you get on with it. We'll be thinking of you and keeping everything crossed. 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

So sorry to hear what you’re going through. We CANNOT underestimate the power of the mind and this does not mean the symptoms are all in your head, as they are very real and you are feeling them.

I am feeling exactly the same test tomorrow. I’ve had endoscopes before and they have always been fine. I also feel that I will not be able to go ahead with the test as my fear runs so so deep. I’ve had symptoms on and off for such a long time and only now are doctor’s recommending endoscopy. 

I widget you ask for a heavy sedation (do this beforehand if there is a number you can contact) as this will help you relax. I hate the idea of people seeing what is going on inside me before I know. I will try to explain this to the team when we meet tomorrow. So much of anxiety is feeling out of control I think so the more control you feel you have, the better.

i can also recommend the followig to keep you focus on the present:

Get into nature

Notice the small things

colour/shades of several blades of grass/leaves

trace the shape of a tree with your finger in the air, nothing all the bumps and twists and turns

I find this really really helpful. 

Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!

also- tummy breathing

take a slow and deep breath in with your hand in your tummy

hold for few seconds

breath out very slowly- blowing small breaths through your mouth 

I’ve also got some hypnotherapy recordings that are really effective- a friend had these when she was recovering in hospital.