Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Am with you Annette,and the feeling is just awful,especially the unknown,it just sends your head into overtime and such an overwhelming feeling to deal with. I have everything crossed for you for Friday,sending you the biggest hugs,like it's already been said,you can beat anything,even if right now it feels like everything is falling apart. Take care of yourself. Suzanne x

  • Offline in reply to TM1

       I'm glad to hear that you had a lovely Christmas. That's really important.  I'm sorry to hear that the fatigue is so bad after radiotherapy. I hope it improves quickly. What have your team said about this? I hope you can manage through work. Going back to a particularly busy period isn't helpful. 

    I've just been discussing the fatigue element of this treatment with my husband as the mother in law wants to visit for half term and I'm not sure I can face it. She disrupts our lives like nothing else and exhausts the girls and then it takes weeks to get them back on an even keel. So I'm really not keen on the idea. I've said we need to wait and see what the next steps are first. We had originally said that all family will be invited back for fake Christmas when I've finished active treatment and I've recovered a bit.  She's pushed back numerous times already but we've stated strong so far but I can see my husband's will to do so waining as she's using emotional blackmail. Personally I think she shouldn't be doing this, but it's her all over (her needs are more important than anyone else's). Xx

  •    and   My heart really goes out to you. Try and keep positive.  If the results are bad news, then having a plan from your doctors really does help and the fear of the unknown is the worst. Dr Liz O'Riordan and others refer to it as scanxiety and it really is the right term for it.   I really hope that you do get good news, but if it isn't you are developing a community here who are really supportive and have been a real help to me. 

    Take care of yourselves and hug your loved ones close. X

  • You too suzanne and I am here always of you need to reach out. Everything you said I completely relate too. I went through it exactly the same. 

    Big hugs xxx