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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    I really feel for you, I am waiting on result from biopsy, feel nauseous all the time, can’t eat, crying a lot just feeling so scared, it’s the not knowing that’s the worst , I am like you keep thinking of my family and how much I love them.  , when I am a bit more sane I realise from looking at other peoples journey this is the way most people who are going through this feel , my husband and my 2 daughters have been great.  I find this so hard as I have always been the strong one. My heart goes out to you, sending hugs xx

  • Offline in reply to Maddygil56

    It can be a scary period. I was awake with tears running down my cheeks whilst everyone was sleeping. I kept looking into the eyes of the nurses and doctors telling them how scared I was .Once I got the biopsy results ,my world crumbled. I wanted to run away to somewhere I could scream, shout and cry.

    Six months down the line, I have done the surgery and am on recovery route now. I keep tearing the appointment letters up step by step .

    Do not overthink, whatever the results will be ,you will find a way to go through. I like Rambleon88's message, the only way out is to go through it.

    When are you having the results?

  • Offline in reply to Winchest

    This Friday, thank you I will try and not over think it, the worst time is when I’m by myself. This just came out of the blue, no lumps or anything, just went for my 3year mammogram expecting it to come back normal as usual , then a phone call to come in for scan again and biopsy, it is scary but I’ll try to not over think it 

  • Offline in reply to Maddygil56

    Oh my, that must be difficult, no lumps/anything .I find taking walks a way of keeping one's mind sane a bit.

    Waiting for results can take  full control of your thoughts . It keeps popping in and out of your head like a yoyo..lol.

    Pls dont google anything ,it makes the anxiety worse. Macmillian website/cancer research is good once you get the results.

  • Offline in reply to Suzanne73

    Hi hun, don't worry I've just jumped on to see how you all are.   how is everyone? I'm like a stuck record but now suffering with aches in my hands/fingers, putting it down to the tablets or the steam coming off my keyboard at work (it's tax return season so work is mega). I'm still so tired it's impacted my life. I'm so down at the moment. Got a little break booked next week so looking forward to that.  how are you hun? Coming on here was a big step but we all look out for each other on here, you are not alone lovely. Massive hugs  x

  • Offline in reply to Maddygil56

    Hi there. I was same, no lumps nothing whatsoever, then I get recalled. They moved so fast...yes it's scary and omg the worst wait...don't google anything. Write a diary, put your thoughts down, it helps believe me, it's not easy and we all here for you...one day at a time x

  • Offline in reply to Maddygil56

      I hope you are doing okay lovely.  I know right now its little comfort but that wait for the biopsy is one of the worst feelings in this process. That free falling sensation is like nothing Id ever felt before. One day at a time though lovely, by far more biopsies are negative over positive. If its positive then you will be placed onto a well driven track to getting better. Many of us know that gut wrenching feeling your going through right now lovely, just know that the feeling is not forever. Be kind to yourself, sending massive hugs xxxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

       Ive been thinking of you lovely!! Im so sorry to hear your down :-( by the sounds of it work being busy isn't helping so glad you have a break away planned hon. Dont be so hard on yourself you arent like a broken record at all. We have all been through the ringer a bit lovely and when you look at it you have only just come through surgery, radio therapy, tablets and the sheer stress of it all. What you have gone through was scary and brutal. Your mind was taken from day to day life to life and death thinking which is no small thing. The body and mind Id imagine are going to take a good while to recover and get back to a place of calm. 
    For some reason at the moment Im waking up feeling down but this lifts through the day which I think is a cortisol thing but chemo’s got my body like a chemical pick and mix these days :-).
    Im doing alright thank you lovely, finished EC chemo and finding Paclitaxel a bit easier.

    Sending lots of love and hugs xx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Thank you TM1, I am trying to stay positive but til I get these results I know I’m just going to worry, it’s not easy, least I have people as yourself to talk to x

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Thank you Rambleon88, this has just floored me, my head is all over the place, hope you are doing well, thank you for the encouraging words, hugs to you x

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