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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to Suzanne73

    Hi Suzanne,

    I am so sorry to hear your diagnosis. I imagine that this must have come as quite a shock to you. How are you coping with this? The waiting around to start is always a frustrating time, but it shouldn't take too long to get everything in place to start. Have you looked into mindfulness to help you sleep? It might be worth a try.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Thank you Jolamine. I have turned a corner today so I hope that lasts. I have managed to get out of the house and do the walk to and from school which feels like a big achievement after this weekend. 

    I hope you are doing well. Xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

       Oh lovely thats amazing news with your markers and that you have completed chemo!!! 
    YOU HIT THE FINISHING LINE!!!!!! Im over the moon for you as you’re on that home stretch now.

    I hope your feeling a bit better, do you find the pegfilgrastim makes you feel worse? 

    Sending a massive welldone and a hug!! xxx

  • Offline in reply to Suzanne73

    Oh  the waiting is horrible but once you start treatment time moves weirdly in my experience. The days are long and the weeks are fast! 
    Ive also got a Picc line and having it fitted felt like a little scratch of the numbing treatment first and then it was done! And as much as Ive missed showering over bathing I have to say having a Picc has made taking bloods and treatment so much easier. 
    My chemo plan was dose dense EC for 4 treatments followed by 4 Piclataxels which Ive just recently started so I have 3 treatments left. 
    I know its all scary and *** but once you start treatment you will be on the track to the homestretch of treatment. 
    Sending lots of love and hugs back xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    It's good to know someone has been through this as scared as l am.Had my operation in on Dec 3 after been diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer  ER positive

    They had to remove quiet a few lymph nodes and yesterday l was told l had to have chemo as well   EC and paclitaxel

    Am so scared

    Thought the surgery and tablets will be it

    Hmmm

  • Offline in reply to Winchest

    Oh bless you  , Im so sorry to hear your going through this too. Whole thing can feel very scary but once you start treatment the process becomes the count down and before you know it your closer to the end of active treatment than the start.
    How are you feeling after surgery?

    Chemo is tough but it’s doable, you got this! I have found EC and Paclitaxel quite different from each other so far, EC for a few days after each infusion felt like a beastly hangover where as Paclitaxel hasnt made me feel ill or tired so far but its brought about some aches and pains for sure but both were manageable and honestly they have tablets and medication for almost every side effect you can think of so just make sure you let the chemo nurses know. My experiences may be different to yours but if there is anything I can help with please feel free to ask :-)! 

    Ive found this mantra has helped me “the only way out is through”! You got this!! Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

       Thank you :) 

    I have the Piligrastrim injections 24 hours after chemo so it's a bit difficult to tell as body pains came on Friday/Saturday. 

    I am feeling much better today thanks and definitely seem to be on the way up. The PICC line team have discussed removing my PICC line now -hurrah! But I am waiting to hear from my oncologist for confirmation first. Apparently, once I have confirmation, I have to have a WBC count done and then it can be removed :)  xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

       The body pains are bloody remarkable arent they!! I said to my husband id sound a bit bananas if I raised it because if someone asked where Im getting pains it would be - feet, arms, hands, legs, jaw, shoulders, random head pains, back ache, stomach ache :-D at this point Im a walking ache but up and walking so feel like I shouldnt complain. 

    Im so glad your feeling better lovely and even happier to hear discussions around removing your PICC line are happening!! That to me is a big moment having the PICC removed as its such a sign of “completed treatment” if that makes sense, plus I cant wait to shower and cuddle my rambunctious dogs like normal again. 
    Im just so happy for you, although we’ve not met your someone who I feel like Ive gone through this with as a lot of things happened for us just a few weeks apart. I know how tough and scary this is/has been but your over the chemo finishing line, you did it!!!! Sending a massive digi hug Im chuffed for you xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Thank you    I've also felt like we've been in it together :)  You are nearly there too! 

    I will be going to ask for my PICC line to be removed on Monday. Unfortunately on Wednesday I came down with the 5 year old's cold. It was vile on Wednesday but has been a bit better since.  I've been keeping an eye on my temperature. But it's been ok so far. Hopefully it will stay that way. Xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

       There is so much going around at the moment, how are you feeling now lovely? Woooooooo keep us posted on how you get on with your Picc line removal lovely!!! I feel like even though me and my picc got off to a rocky start its been unbelievably useful, that said I absolutely 1000% cant wait to have it out!!!! Ive got my catch up with my oncologist tomorrow so will be asking if there has been anymore said on radio therapy and if my genetic testing is back. The genetic testing went off early last August so would have thought Id have had it back by now. Got Bloods Tuesday and as long as they are alright chemo Friday then. After that I have 2 left!!! Sending lots of love and positive vibes your way for tomorrow :-) xxxxx

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