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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

       I'm sorry you are having such a hard time on EC. Just listen to your body and only do what is necessary.  Remember this too shall pass. I'm taking this advice myself. As I'm struggling much more this time. Been nearly fainting a few times this week. Broke out in  a cold sweat just before the school run this morning so my husband did it on his own. When I felt a bit better I took the dog out on my own as she was sorely disappointed that she couldn't go on the school run. Now I'm just resting. Usually I'm feeling pretty OK by now in other cycles so this is a bit unexpected. It'll be a whole new ball game next time on Docetaxel I'm sure. 

        Do take it easy. Its a lot to get used to. Speak to your GP/oncologist about any side effects of the letrazole.  I am told they can help manage them. I'm glad you've got through the radiotherapy now. That's a big milestone.  Do let us know how you get on with your scan. 

       I can only echo everyone's comments here. I will keep everything crossed for you that you get good news, but the community here is brilliant for supporting those who do need further treatment. 

    Keep positive ladies. I will be keeping you all in my thoughts.

    Xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

       oh lovely Im sorry to hear your having a rough time too, please look after yourself and rest. Weirdly I turned a corner and out of no-where started to feel much better!! It was almost like a wave of feeling very unwell and then it sort of lifted. Still having a nightmare with my arm as the clot is still there but my husband has gotten good at helping me with the blood thinning injections so praying that doesnt delay my next treatment. I have a meeting with my Onco tomorrow so see what he says. How are you finding eating? 
    When do you start on the Taxel hon? Is that the same as Paclitaxel? Im doing 4 Pac after my ECs. Fingers crossed a lot of what Ive read seems to show its a little bit gentler or atleast isnt as harsh as EC. Hope yourself and family are keeping well hon, Il be thinking of you all and here if you need to vent or just go “AHHHHH!!” :-)! Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

       thank you lovely:)  I felt a bit better after a significant rest today before collecting the kids.   Then by their bedtime I felt rubbish again and picked up after eating. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow as it's been more than a week now since mu treatment.  

    I hope your meeting goes well tomorrow. Let us know how you get on. I'm glad you are feeling much better. 

    In terms of eating on EC I haven't experienced too much into terms of taste changes. Tea and dairy does taste funny for a few days. It's the reflux I have issues with mostly. The first week I don't eat a lot. Second week it picks up and third week I'm normal. Weight has been pretty stable throughout which is good. 

    I start Docetaxel on 4th December. It's odd isn't it. I wonder why you are on Paclitaxel and I'm on Docetaxel?!?  Yours was ER+ right?  Yeah I've read most find EC worse than taxols. But that worries me as I feel like apart from the neutropenia on the first cycle (where actually I didn't feel too bad) and this weird reaction this time, I've not been too too bad. No significant nausea. I've rested when I've needed to but I almost expected worse given what people say about chemo. So I'm worried I might be flawed by the Docetaxel instead :'(   But I'm keeping as positive as I can. Time will tell and it's all in the interests of kicking this thing out of the park. 

    Best wishes to all and positive thoughts  xxx

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