Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • 4th October hun at 12 Noon, when I see the Professor I'm under, hopefully I'll know one or the other.. it is early hun, we had to wait in a lounge, different operations going on. Obviously don't know what hospital your at but there's lots of people you'll see hun and you'll probably get asked same questions over and over, stay calm...pray you get in and out, have a relaxing day today, have a good meal at tea time. I feel fresh as a daisy lol....hair and make up done, not going anywhere but helps me feel a bit normal. Yeah lost my dad to the big C, 19 years ago, yet seems like yesterday. I kept busy day before so do your best today, and did I tell you, went into surgery and still had my bra on...., can laugh now, nurse was so understanding she bagged it up and put it with my stuff...xxx

  • Oh bless you Im so sorry you lost your Dad. Gosh 4th of October is quite a wait! Do you have anything nice planned in the mean time to take your mind off it? So glad your feeling fresher and a bit more yourself. I just want it done now but I know as Im waiting in the room Il want to be anywhere else. It just makes the whole situation so very real doesn't it. Ive got my scruffy joggys and hoodies at the ready for tomorrow, wearing a bra is so easily done lol Il have to remind myself in the morning not to wear one. Ive got these front zip up bras at the ready so my little sponge insert can go in pretty quickly. What a rollercoaster though! Xxxx

  • Sorry hun, had a busy day lol,, went for a walk with my other half and the dog, weather was lovely. We thinking we might have a couple of days away next week, Wales maybe, will see how I am. Now best of luck tomorrow, sending love. I'll be thinking of you xxxxx

  • Im from Wales!!! Its a beautiful place just a bit rainy but it can be so beautiful and your never too far from the coast! 


    All done just waiting on getting my cannulas out and been told Il be discharged around 4:30ish.

    I just wanted to say such a massive thank you to you all for your support through this, you all have comforted me more than you know and made me feel less alone. 
    Sending much love xxxx

  • I'm glad you are going to be able to get home today. That's amazing. Rest up and heal. Xx

  • Hey hun, awww how are you feeling? More than welcome, couldn't have got through myself without these chats with all on here. You've done amazing so far, now REST up, your not alone, and I hope you get home for some TLC....love and hugs xxxx

  • How are you today hun? Xxx

  • Thank you lovelies!!!

    Im officially home, just had some treat foods and just chilling out. Hopefully on the road to recovery now. 

    Sending lots of love and hugs xxx

  • That's great to hear, you've done really well hun. Get an early night and hope you sleep well...sending lots of hugs, look forward now, together xxx

  • That's really good. Painkillers before bed and get a good night's sleep if you can. Don't push yourself for the next few weeks and give yourself the time to heal properly. Xx