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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    So happy you've booked your holiday, that's brilliant, have a lovely relaxing time, you so deserve it....xxx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

       So glad you’ve booked it hon! Something to look forward to is so important. OMG totally, Im praying Im 1st lol otherwise Im just going to be sat there wide eyed *** my pants! Did you have to stay in over night? Its the drains Im dreading they just look so sore and awkward. 
     awe lovely sending big hugs your way. Its a emotional rollercoaster that none of us expected or ever wanted to be on. Im really up and down but gone a while now without taking diazepam and starting to come to terms a bit better. Same here hon I just want it done and over with but I know the closer I get the more I will be bricking it. Ive never gone under anesthetic before x

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Thank you both. The hubby and kids are very excited lol!! 

    The drain is sore. But it's only a week. Just be careful not to pull it.  They said I would stay in overnight (because I had small kids) but it was hot and they said I would be more comfy at home and I definitely was glad to be home. Honestly the recovery wasn't as bad as I expected. Xx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Oooohhh glad your off the diazapam that's good to hear. I'm more at grips with it it's the waves of worry that comes over...I'll be bricking it to on day of operation, not been under anesthetic for years, when I had my tonsils out....trying not to think about it at the moment....they told me ill be out same day so hoping I'll be hoping same, first thing and less time to sit and s@ xxx

  • Online in reply to TM1

    Hi TMI,

    You are bound to get more up tight as your operation date draws closer. I was really bricking it on both occasions that I went in for surgery, as I have previously stopped breathing on the operating table. Both operations were very straightforward, although I was kept in hospital for 4 days after my double mastectomy. The staff were really excellent. 

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    How are you feeling today lovely? Hope your doing okay. Its a bloody emotional minefield and totally can relate to it being in waves.

    Sometimes Im okay and feel brave others Im just still blindsided this is actually happening. Got a face to face meeting with my surgeon tomorrow to run through what to expect and my mastectomy booked in for the 4th. Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Hi hun, not too bad, I'm finding early evening difficult especially if nothing to watch on TV , that wave comes over me and I'm in tears. I feel a bit awful really as you're going through much more than me, but we all here for the same reason....aww I hope your face to face meeting goes well, get your questions or concerns ready hun.   Week tomorrow is my operation and God knows how ill feel this time next week. I'll be thinking of you hun. Think going to work is helping though as I feel normal if that makes sense and a distraction to....keep telling myself I can do this with my partner by my side and my lovely daughter, both making me smile xxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Yesterdays appointment went well, signed off on the surgery and all booked in for the 4th. My surgeon isnt big into drains so hoping I wont have one and as Im opting not to have reconstruction the surgery should be shorter. If everything goes well and he can see to me first hes hoping I can go home same day.

    My god though had that Magtrace injected yesterday which I didnt realize was happening until I was there. Anyone reading this before having magtrace, it doesn't last very long but it is a bit of a stinger of a injection.  

    Hope your enjoying your weekend   Im not sure what to do with my work, whilst Ive been off my boss has been fired so its all very turbulent. Got a feeling with everything going on atm Im better off away from my work! Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Hi hun, been thinking about you and wondered how you got on, all sounds positive then...I had the magseed and that felt different to, sure she went in in a different place but it's rice size seed that goes into the tumour..just been doing house work and kept thinking hmm how will I be this time next Saturday....that's a shock about your boss, blooming eck, think you are better off away from it, you don't need the stress of work as well......I hope the weather improves whilst I'm off work lol...funny weather at the moment....its the thought of an operation that I'm worried about but suppose that's only normal xxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    How are you lovely? Thinking of you. Just think by this weekend you will be the other side of the surgery. 
    completely relate to the “how will I be this time next Saturday”.

    Ive been finding it so strange that this weekend is my last weekend with both boobs. Its the testing bit after surgery Im starting to dread now. I feel a bit like Im heading back to “after biopsy” territory all over again. X 

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