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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to YogiBoo

    yogiboo Im so sorry to hear your in this position. In many respects I found the waiting for the biopsy results mentally one of the toughest times. Just felt like I was free falling. Hope you get your results through soon. Sending a big digital hug to you xxx

  • Offline in reply to YogiBoo

    Not at all, we all don't to be here, but it helps. Swelling will go down and bruises will go to, its the waiting that's worse, we all take it differently, it broke me and couldn't face work. I was given a breast care nurse to chat with and you know, after talking to her I slowly got my head around it...give yourself time and try to keep busy. No Google aloud lol, only sites you've been told about. It's a worry but we all help each other. X

  • Offline

    I was very lucky with my biopsy, no bruising, swelling or pain. Pretty much the same after my lumpectomy too. Although it did make my lump, which I couldn't previously feel, become quite evident. That was a shock, i was like omg, how did i miss that !! Everything we have done is another waiting game, not good for your mental health ! TM1, I also couldn't face work, haven't been in since my last Friday there, 14th June (op on the 16th). Mind you, I have a heavy lifting physical job so best off out of it. Rambleon88, that's a good way to describe it, free falling, with it all out of our control. Yogiboo, I have everything crossed for clear margins and no node involvement . I'm ashamed to say I was one of the "it'll never happen to me" brigade. Been put in my place well and truly ! Makes you feel a bit numb when it all starts hitting home. Good luck on your journey ladies x

  • Offline in reply to Haideesmum

    Hi Haideesmum, don't blame you not staying in work. Think deep down I felt like you, won't happen to me but here we all are...Friday creeping up for magseed and pre op, but I should be OK...I get that numb feeling to, that's when I get a few tears and my mind starts jumping ahead with worry. Work is busy so I'm occupied, at work now but wanted to jump on here..  

    To all the other lovely ladies on here, I to have everything crossed for you all....these chats are so helpful. Stay strong...xxx 

  • Offline in reply to TM1

      Ive not been back to work since being diagnosed. With my son home for the summer holidays and everything going on it just felt like one part of my life needed to slow down and work was that part. Im lucky they have so far been supportive though.   Il be thinking of you Friday lovely, I hope it all goes smoothly for you. I know exactly what you mean by numb, sometimes its almost like this isnt real and Im okay but sometimes it hits like a wave. I have my follow up appointment this Friday at 2. I was doing okay today but then that letter arrived and I feel like a deer in headlights ever since. 

    I was saying to my husband this morning how wonderful this online community is, Ive never been one for social media or anything like that but Im so grateful to you all for being here and sharing your stories. Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    When THE letter arrives it's so much more real. Best of luck for Friday hun, be thinking of you xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    I absolutely hate hearing letters drop on the door mat. Nhs in big print and off white paper inside, makes my stomach churn lol. X

  • Offline in reply to Haideesmum

    I feel like I'm collecting them lol x

  • Offline in reply to Haideesmum

    Its started to get that way with me too. Smells Ive gone really weird with! I had a fabric softener Id used on all of the laundry and the top I wore when I was diagnosed smelt strongly of this fabric softener. Ive had to rewash everything to get that smell out as if just makes me feel so uneasy smelling it now. 
    Had a really rough night last night, felt really warm and stressed all night and was just convincing myself of the worst. 
    Hope everyone here is doing okay, its certainly such a difficult space to navigate xx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Morning hun, be thinking about you later, good luck lovely xxx

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