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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Hi Rambleon. I'm sorry to read this. But at least you have a partial diagnosis and you know next steps for further scans. I also had MRI scans after diagnosis. 

    Mine was a 44mm cancer based on the MRI scan. Hopefully it will be HER2 negative.  

    My understanding is that they won't stage it until after the surgery and know lymph node status definitely. 

    They may start you on tamoxifen immediately to stop it growing while you wait for surgery (that's what they did for me I was ER and PR + but HER2- ). 

    Try and process it slowly and be kind to yourself. Things will move fairly rapidly now. 

    I had a lumpectomy and partial reconstruction as they had to take some skin. I had a LICAP flap. The surgery and recovery wasn't as bad as I expected. I get my post op results on Monday morning. 

    Try and put it to one side for the weekend (if you can) and have some fun with your family. Keep thinking positive. Big hugs. Xx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    More than welcome, tell your family and you will feel better knowing they know and give you the support you need hun. Baby steps remember....xxx 

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Thank you so much everyone. 

    Im gutted and scared but have to pull my big girl socks up and get ready to embrace treatment and getting better. Just cant believe a few weeks ago my mind was so clear and there  I was just doing my fake tan. Spot a tiny little dip and 3 week later Im diagnosed with cancer! 

    xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Exactly the same for me, except the false tan...lol, (trying to make you smile there), just plodding along like you do and bang, letter and then my world turned upside down and inside out....but look where we are today...I am struggling no two ways about it but I feel better for knowing and knowing what will happen, focus on the going forward....getting my hair cut soon, make me feel better....I hope lol xxxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Ahh good Ole Bondi Sands may very well have saved my life which is quite comical when you think about it. Its so difficult, life just gets completely turned around.
    what are you thinking of getting done? Im going to wait and see if Chemo is confirmed then go a good bit shorter just so its not such a shock xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    My wife had two tumours in her left breast, the biggest one just slightly over the 5cm mark. The second, which was situated behind the larger one, was around 2.5-3cm. She had 2 lymphs involved too. Her BC was triple+, grade 3. So very aggressive. It was as bad as treatable cancer could get before moving onto the next stage. But the reality is, treatment worked, and she's still cancer free 2 years later. Her chance of reoccurrence is something ridiculous like 3%.

    It's also very good that chemo isn't currently nailed on. My wife was told pretty much straight away it was gonna be chemo and radiotherapy.

    If you're needing to ask questions, feel free to ask. I can't promise i'll be able to answer them all, but I'll answer what i can.

  • Offline in reply to ProfBaw

    Thank you so much ProfBaw xx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Hiya, I've had a good inch taken off my length, it was getting quite long. My lovely hairdresser said no drastic decisions on hair styles, which I'm glad she said that. Good tidy up all round, feel better for having a cut & blow...yeah wait and see what happens hun, don't go into overtime thinking by racing ahead.. friend rang me who's been on holiday to see how I was, I managed a conversation without crying, she was so supportive. I said I couldn't have had that conversation last week, I was so tearful. Xxx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Thinking of you  hope this morning goes well x

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Hope you are OK hun, thinking of you xxx

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