Hiya Eastendgirl.  I am also an East End girl, and welcome to the forum that no-one ever wants to join.  I won't tell you 'not to worry' because it is the most natural thing in the world to be worried.  Have you got anyone you can talk to about your fears?  Friends or family?  I am terminally ill, and sometimes it isn't easy being positive.  I guess the only thing I can say is to wish you good luck, and please let us know how you got on.  xx

Hi Blue-girl, many thanks for your reply.. to say I'm sad to hear about your health is inane...at best ...

No contact with my family for 17 years [ not my decision]

The closest person [ in my world] is my 'sista' of more than 40 years. We are 500 miles apart and she was given a diagnosis of myeloma 6 months ago...so as you can imagine this has a great impact on so many people..we would always speak daily but more recently it has become weekly..if she is well enough [ sorry..rambling]

So, no..nobody I can talk to about this situation...

I really do appreciate your reply and kindness..

Sleep well ️

Thank you Eastendgirl, and please don't think you are being inane.  It's never easy to know what to say to a person that is terminal is it?  But I appreciate everyone's kindness.  I am sorry to hear that you have no family to rely on, and very sorry to hear about your sister.  Sometimes it seems that life throws everything at us at once doesn't it?  Here is MacMillan's phone number:  0808-808-0000.  Why not give them a ring and tell them about your fears?  They are very kind and understanding, and I am sure that you would feel a bit better, just by speaking to them.  I understand why you don't fancy having another colonoscopy.  I had to have one a few years ago, and although it was fairly straightforward, it isn't the most pleasant experience in the world is it?  Anyway mate, I wish you all the best, and you can ask me anything you want, it's no problem, and please try giving MacMillan a call, I am certain they can help you in some way, take care mate. xx

thanku for your kind words and support,  I really do appreciate your care...

Without a diagnosis,  I feel it inappropriate to be here...I posted under a section of 'waiting for a diagnosis  [ or something similar] and am very aware / it feels inappropriate to post here..does that make any sense..

Take care ️⚘️ xx

Absolutely no consolation but a close friend made a different decision to  yours..

Twelve months ago, underwent surgical removal of breast cancer, had chemo and radiotherapy..as advised by Consultant.. yesterday she had further surgery as the cancer has returned  so, be kind to yourself,  I don't consider any part to be 'your fault '

As for phoenix rising from the ashes ‍  I think I've exhausted that option in the past ....broken neck/DVT's/ P.E...

I don't have a faith but am thankful that you find strength in yours xx

Very sorry to hear about your friend Eastendgirl, and as you say, even if I had gone down the radiotherapy route, the result might have been the same.  Anyway, I sincerely hope that I have made you feel not quite so alone.  I know we are strangers and very unlikely to ever meet, and I hope you don't mind, but I have said a prayer for you.  Faith is a very personal thing, but I hope I have not offended you by praying for you.  You mentioned that you exhausted the 'Phoenix Rising From The Ashes' option in the past.........you and me both my friend!  I nursed my Mum through terminal cancer when I was young, and I never thought I would have to deal with this monstrous disease myself.  Thankfully, my Mum didn't suffer too much, and that is something that I am very grateful for.  When I look back on my life, I find myself thinking, "what on earth was THAT all about?"  None of it makes any sense to me to be quite honest, but I like to believe that while I was here, I helped a few people along the way, xx

It's me again Eastendgirl.  I just rang MacMillans on your behalf, and they said that they DO take calls from people who have not yet been diagnosed, but who think that they MIGHT have it.  So, just in case you didn't want to call them without a proper diagnosis, just to let you know that they will be happy to speak with you regarding your concerns and worries irrelevant of whether you have been diagnosed or not.  Take care mate, xx

Strangers

Yes I suppose we are but like so many people who offer care and support,  it seems to close that divide.  When humans show empathy and understanding..the term 'strangers' always seems alien to me ..

From my brief experience of 'knowing ' you, I'm quite sure you will have helped many people along the way..

As for your prayers, I never take offence

To have cared for your Mum would surely have been with mixed emotions... trying to care for someone you love and yet having to face the inevitable...

I hope you have very special people around you, to listen, support and understand.. as much as any of us are able to understand..

May I ask [ please don't answer if unacceptable ] but am I right in thinking East End girl refers to London   my reason for asking is... folks from Scotland also use the phrase...

Thanku again xx

YOU are a ️ thanku for your support...

A proper mate xx