Cancer Research UK main site

Nervous Christmas

NinjaDad38
Offline

Hi all, 

So, I've not really voiced my feelings to my partner (I'm a guy, guess that's just us). Anyhow, I wanted to join here firstly to get off my chest some feelings and also 'if' the worse happens to maybe be able to hear from people who have been where I maybe due to journey. 

It has been a crazy two weeks since finding a rather large lymph node in my upper leg near my groin. Since then I have been to the doctors and hopistal a further 11 times. Had bloods taken for virtually everything, xray of my chest, ct scan from my neck to my thighs and now been passed on to hematology at the hospital. 

My liver has come back as having elevated enzymes aswel as other things which I don't know the correct terms. I'm a non drinker, the doctor actually asked 'how often do you drink excessively?'. 

I have pains in my upper stomach when pressed (presume to my liver). I have had large bean sized lymphnodes in my groin for some years now, previously passed off as an infection. My doctor also found another in my neck. 

I am constantly tired, exhausted....to the point of falling asleep randomly. After certain foods it completely wipes me out. I can barely go a full day right now without feeling totally drained. Maybe this is me worrying? I don't know but it seems to all fall in to the symptoms of lymphoma I guess. Which, now, I am thankfully being tested for and I am truely grateful whatever the outcome. 

I have two young children under the age of 10, a loving partner and my parents still with me daily which I am thankful for. Without them I think this could be very tough. Although I have these special people in my life I haven't wanted to show weakness, for their sake not mine. If I'm worried then they will be moreso. 

With this being said I feel its best I vent and talk, even if that is to strangers over the Internet. Problem shared, problem halved as they say. 

I'm not looking for any diagnosis as this isn't the place. Maybe, just some tips to help cope mentally until I get the final outcome. 

My doctor has said results from my ct scan will be discussed at my next appointment which is on the 9th January 2024 unless anything extremely serious comes back then he will call me this week. After then I will likely have to have biopsies taken. I have to wait over the Christmas break.....sure you see why I need to vent. 

Anyhow, I'm waffling now but do appreciate any replies to keep my brain from running wild. 

Much love to you all

NinjaDad38 

  • Offline

    Hi :)

    I am sorry that you have all this going on and what a time of year to deal with it too. I really hope that you get some positive news :)

    I don't have a similar experience in terms of body parts but am waiting on a 2 week referral for a cyst/mass on my ovary. Half of it is solid and half not, sounds a bit grim.

    Ovarian cancer is really rare so statistically the odds are low but I can't help but worry about it. It is really hard to put it to the back of my mind. Sometimes I think having access to the NHS app is the worst thing ever for my anxiety. 'Sinister ovarian tumour?' was one of the lines, along with URGENT ESCALATION mentioned a few times.

    Meanwhile, I have to put on a happy face for my little boy and pretend nothing is going on :) He is non verbal and 11 with severe learning disabilities but I think he understands more than we know. I am careful not to talk about it on the phone so keeping it all to myself really. 

    I am the same in not wanting to show weakness for others sake. I am the one to make a joke about things and never let them see that I am scared. I am the caretaker of my family so-to-speak, the strong one. It's good to have a place to admit that I am sh****** myself without worrying any of my family.

    I would hate for them to worry and then I get the all clear. I would feel awful about that.

    I had an urgent breast clinic referral 6 weeks ago for a scare, so this is a running theme this year. I haven't been to the Dr in years! I have lost about 3 stones in the last 6 months as I have zero appetite and that is not me. I put on half a stone even looking at a mince pie :)

    I really hope that you get some more replies with reassurance. It really sounds like your team are on the case, which is fantastic news. It seems to vary around the country but it really does sound like they are not going to leave any stone unturned.

    Wishing you all the best and I hope that you hear some good news. Take good care :)

  • Offline in reply to Ivy76

    I'm sorry to hear this but do try to stay positive as best you can. I don't really like the Internet or social media but I feel this is a great way to vent as I've said to not impact immediate family members. I know a lot will say share your feelings and thoughts but it's hard when you want to protect those you love. 

    I wish you nothing but good health and happiness and pray for a good result for you. 

    Thank you for replying it really does mean a lot. 

    Have a wonderful Christmas and make special memories with the ones you love most. 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.