Well its That day plus three. Went to the toilet this morning and as if by magic. It was my normal colour. Down the pan and on the paper. A little bit runny but i do put that down to me being scared out my witts. Plus i didnt really eat much solid. Well unless you call a banana and some scrambled egg solid. I was silly enough to buy a couple of test kits from tesco. Just for my own personal piece of mind. But neither worked. I followed the instuctions to the letter. But with my eyes it looked fine anyway. So ill go with what they tell me.I know visual is not always a complete all clear. But its better than what iwas seeing a few days ago. Im in a better mood today after having everything back to normal. Still a little anxious but feeling more positive. Im so glad i have somewhere to write down my feelings. Im sure most of you will just laugh at this silly old woman with her issues. Mine, im sure aint half as bad as some of you all. But least i can write about it. Makes me feel better.

I hope you all do not mind but seemed like the best place to put it all.

Hello Abigail

I'm so glad to hear that things have settled and returned to being more normal for you. We know that it can be scary for anyone to see blood in their stool and you did the right thing in seeking advice from your GP. 

Hopefully whatever it was that caused your symptoms has now resolved but if you have any further concerns in the future, do go back to see your GP again. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Thank you, Jenn, for your kind reply.

Yes, it is still quite a scary time. But I am trying to put it down to experience and move on.

I would advise anyone who has any symptoms to see there doctor straight away. It is difficult to see mine. As I am sure it can be for many of us. Normally if I have an ache or pain then I just put it down to age and move along. I had therapy a little while ago regarding my Anxiety. It stems back from a previous marriage. I will not go into the abuse I suffered etc. But I will just say. Even if it was a good 11 years ago. It still always puts me on the back foot. Regarding the doctors. Yes it may be hard to get in to see them. But I was really determined this was a time where I needed to see someone as a matter of urgency. You just must make yourself known to them. Make them see you are, or at least feel your in peril. Maybe peril is the wrong word, but that would be how I felt at that time.

I do not really expect many replies to my thread, but it helps me to talk about it. Anonymous as it maybe. As we are all just names in the wires until we make ourselves known more openly at a time we choose.

For me it just helps to get it out there. In the hope someone will learn from an experience that someone else has had.

But anyway. That day plus Four. Went to the toilet again. I am fortunate enough to have a time that I go. I would be concerned personally if that time were different. It does on occasion but never more than difference from one day. Again, I had the nice brown colour that I am use to. Was not much of it. But that maybe I just did not eat right for a couple of days plus the fear and anxiety I had. So I will give myself some breathing space and now try to get myself back to the person I was. It would seem whatever happened to me for now was just a glitch in my system. Maybe it was what I ate the day before! Or something had made my insides bleed? Who knows! I do hate not having definitive answers. I like to have a base and move on and never be in a position that I have an unknown. I am just going to except the fact I will perhaps never really know why. I do suffer from Strange abdominal pains. Again, never had a definitive answer. Even spent a few days in hospital a while back when it got bad. But fortunately, that subsided. Again, No definitive answer. But I did have all the tests a while back. Fit test. Iron, Ultrasound, Bloods etc. This was just a few months ago. I will take some comfort in the fact nothing was ever found. I maybe will just have to live with the possibility I suffer from that ibs.

Anyway. I will post some more as the days go by. Just for my own personal benefit. I just hope I can help someone in their time of despair. I will be sure I will go straight back to that doctor if it occurs again.

I will also take this opportunity to say once again. My heart really does go out to anyone who does not have a positive diagnosis and an all clear. I am not sure if I could really handle it personally. So be brave. Braver than me anyway.

Well it happened again. Same thing. Blood on the toilet paper. for the past few days. I am now scared out of my witts. my anxiety is through the roof. I havent eaten right in a couple of days and im not getting any better. I have gone back to my doctors. Im waiting on a phone call. People have tried to reassure me its maybe just an internal pile or something like that. Freinds who i have told and loved ones. But it hasnt helped me at all. It seems the only place i put down my feelings is here. Well my partner knows im scared. I mean really scared, Im trying not to have a cry as i type this but it seems i just really cant help it. Whjat am i going to be like if it does come down to something like Cancer. I really do not want to die. I love my life. But i know all the horror stories. and Dr Google hasnt helped me. On a good note. I do not have pain. Well other than sometimes i feel downstairs that something isnt right. Right on my bottom. I did have the finger exam and they found nothing.  My movements are still as they always have been, Regular. I dont feel tired or fatigued. Ok maybe i have lost a little weight but thats maybe down to not being able to eat because of the anxiety.

I suppose this is a cry for help. As i dont know what to do anymore.