Fiance pushing me away

my fiance, 60, has had numerous polyps removed in a colonoscopy yesterday and is very sick, and i believe convinced he has cancer already. We are waiting for biopsy results.

I am 40s and our age gap works for us and has for some time.

However today after this removal of polyps he told me he feels i am wasting my life with him as his body is giving up and he cant give me children or a long life and we should split. 

He is acting like he has a bad diagnosis already - and maybe he truly feels as if he does. he says he is so tired and it takes all his strength to get out of bed and he doesnt want to see anyone, evenme. i believe he is depressed also after all this illness starting in the last while.

However i will not leave him regardless and told him that, that i dont care about kids or futures, that he is my happy choice no matter what.

Is it normal for partners to push people away when sick?

  • Hello Vid1

    I'm so sorry to hear that your partner is undergoing some investigations at the moment and that as a result of all he's dealing with, he's pushed you away. We have had multiple members post here on the forum who have had similar reactions from loved ones following a cancer diagnosis. Whilst it's very hard to be on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour, try not to take things to heart or overthink what has been said. 

    It sounds from your post as if your partner is struggling with his mental health at the moment and this is also something that lots of people struggle with whilst undergoing tests and waiting for results. The unknown can be a scary prospect to face and often people will think of worst-case scenarios. Encourage him to talk to someone if you can. It may be that he will speak with his GP about how he's feeling. Or if you think he might be happy to speak with one of our nurses he's welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. I know they will be happy to talk with either of you and offer any advice, information, and support they can. 

    Hopefully, the two of you won't have to wait too long for his biopsy results and the team will be able to give you some reassurance about his health. 

    Do keep in touch and let us know how things go. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator