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Anxious

kmills2017
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Hello,

I am 30 years old and found a lump on my left breast last Thursday and the lump could feel uncomfortable and heavy at times when my bra is off. The lump has appeared fast (within the month) as I do regular checks. GP was great and thought it felt more cystic but sent in an urgent referral to the breast clinic as my maternal grandmother had breast cancer. 


The urgent referral isn’t until 16/11 which caused me so much anxiety. I’m actually so anxious I’ve had to take time off work and be given diazepam from my GP. 

Thankfully I had savings so opted to go private so help ease my anxiety. Some of the lump was drained and they consultant was happy to assume it was a harder cysts however, I opted for a ultrasound again to put my mind at ease. However, the lump does not appear cystic which sent me into panic. The nurse tried to reassure me but saying it’s only 2cm but obviously my mind has led be astray. The consultant was extremely kind and said he would see me this coming Wednesday at the NHS clinic for a mammogram and biopsy. 

I’ve obviously fallen down the google rabbit hole which I know isn’t helpful but I’m so lost with the unknown. I’m terrified I’ll die and leave my young daughter and partner when my life is just beginning. 

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    HI Kmills,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    I am sorry to hear about your symptoms, but you have done the right thing by getting them checked out. Having had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself, I know just how scary this wait is and also know the dark places that our over-active imaginations can take us to. Are you aware that not all lumps are cancerous? Many turn out to be benign cysts, or due to fibrous or hormonal changes. It is a fact that only 20% of the people who attend the breast clinic will get a cancer diagnosis. We usually advise people to steer clear of consulting "Dr Google", as much of the information is aimed at the more spectacular cases. It never gives us any answers and only serves to scare us even further.

    I am glad to hear that you will be having a mammogram and a biopsy at the NHS clinic on Wednesday. You will probably have a wait of 1-2 weeks to get the results of the biopsy. This is another worrying period. Try to keep yourself occupied with anything you can, while you are waiting. We all tend to worry about our children, as soon as we hear the possibility of cancer. However, treatments have made great strides in recent years. I was the same. My first diagnosis was 14 years ago and my second was the following year. Since then I have been fortunate enough to see my 2 children leave school, go to university, graduate, find gainful employment, marry and provide me with 2 precious granddaughters. Try not to look too far ahead for now, as you're looking at problems which may never arise. Take things day by day, or even hour by hour, if need be.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    I’m sure like many I just can’t shake the feeling that something bad will come of it. I feel like my whole world has turned upside down and I’ve lost the person I was a few weeks ago. 

    I have tried every hard to stay away from google but their intrusive thoughts kick in and can’t always be ignored. I will continue to try hard to stay away and have actually found this site less anxiety provoking.

    Thanks, 

    x

  • Offline in reply to kmills2017

    Most of us feel like this at the beginning, fortunately, things very seldom turn out to be as bleak as they seem. I am normally a very self-sufficient and strong person, but I was an emotional wreck when I was waiting to be seen. You will find the person you were a few weeks ago again. Think of this as a bump in the road and you'll soon be good as new again.

    I know how hard it is to stay clear of google, but do try.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Thank you Jolamine.

    I also feel as though I am a strong person however, this has absolutely changed me into an emotional wreck. The anxiety is horrendous and like you said previously the waiting also. 

    I am trying to keep myself busy and distracted but I also can’t stop going between being sad and angry. 

    I suppose I am also hyper vigilant of any other “symptoms” I am experiencing just now and that sends me into a spiral of catastrophising things. I have a ever so small pain in my rib that comes and goes (maybe 5-6x a day) which has now made be worried but would not have worried me prior to the lump. I know this could be anxiety and the fact I have no ate properly in around 10 days due to worry. 

    Ironically, I am a mental health nurse and all my training and skills I have gained to help others has gone out the window. 

    X

  • Offline in reply to kmills2017

    Hi Kmills,

    I think that having some medical training just makes things worse. We are great at dealing with others, but when it comes to ourselves, that's a different matter. In some ways our emotions at this stage are akin to grief and we experience all of the same emotions - so anger, sadness, fear and "why me" are all perfectly normal. It sounds as if your consultant still doesn't suspect anything untoward.  Perhaps it's something like a fibroadenoma, which would be a little harder than a cyst. 

    It is also perfectly normal to be hyper aware of any other symptoms, which, as you say, you probably wouldn't have paid any attention to otherwise. Fortunately, these seldom have anything to do with your symptoms.  This unknown state is a horrible place to be. Irrespective of the outcome, you'll feel better once you know what you are dealing with and can start to do something about it.

    Always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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