Hello. I wonder if someone might hold my hand as I’m at breaking point.

I’m 51. In June I noticed what I thought might be a change to my right breast. I fretted for a week or two and then I went to the GP. She examined me and said she thought it was ok  it that I should come back in six weeks. In the meantime, I was invited for my first mammogram. I booked the earliest appointment which was early August. By now, six weeks had passed so I went back to the GP. She now said she would refer me to the breast clinic as the rules are to wait for six weeks after noticing a change. So I has the mammogram and a few days later saw the breast consultant for the GP  referral. She did an ultrasound on where I thought there may have been a change and said it was fine. Apparently, I have dense tissue. I asked if she could access the mammogram results, as it was the same clinic. She tried but said they weren’t available yet .She said she expected them to be unremarkable but not to be surprised if I was to be recalled as many people are, particularly after a first mammogram. 

So I was hoping to get the all clear but I was not at all surprised to receive a recall yesterday. My appointment is for next Tuesday which seems like an eternity away.

I phoned the breast care nurse yesterday but I didn’t find that she helped. She just started on about calcifications and cysts which scared me more. Despite the assurances of the consultant, I’m worried sick. I have so many friends who have had breast cancer and one friend and my mother in law were both diagnosed after a screening mammogram. 

To put this into context, I lost my mum to brain cancer some years ago. This experience has haunted me. I will never get over it. Whilst all of this has been happening, my brother in law, the fittest and healthiest person I know, has been diagnosed with bowel cancer as a result of screening and my dad has just been diagnosed with terminal blood cancer. Apparently, he has weeks/months to live.And my son is going to Uni in two weeks and I’m going through the menopause. My life is unbearable at the moment and there is nowhere to turn.