Breast Biopsy

After attending my first mammogram, due to a litter of dead bodies in the family and being bullied by the genetics team, I was called back with an extremely vague letter asking me to go back for some sort of follow-up appointment.

They started telling me I would be examined by a male consultant (I wasn’t happy due to previous misogynistic male consultants and sexual abuse in my past), then I would be having all these ultrasounds, further mammograms, and a biopsy??!!

I am quite timid and polite but explained that I hadn’t been told anything about this appointment and as I’d driven myself over an hour to get to the hospital it would have been useful to know I wasn’t likely to be able to drive myself back???

No complaints over the staff despite the hospital being renowned for being truly awful, but previous experiences and unfortunately a tendency towards extreme anxiety (now worse due to past experiences) panic attacks etc within a clinical setting – leaves me extremely distrusting of the medical profession.

That’s difficult to admit as I work in the NHS and my sister herself is a nurse. All that aside with little to zero information I consented to try and get this experience out the way and myself out the door as soon as possible.

But due to the extreme anxiety, once clamped into the machine for a guided biopsy, panic ensued and my body and mind took over …. Issues since I was just four years old and I am now 43, so its not going anywhere … and I’ve tried everything.

Discussions took place between them on how they could manage me under the circumstances and they agreed that after my holiday they would give me some sort of relaxant prior to the procedure and that I would need to be driven to and from the appointment.

I don’t have a partner and never will and everyone works as I do and I can’t tell my mother as I know she will, as my grandmother did, believe that she has somehow “murdered her own daughter” and she can’t handle that stress.

They then gave me a load of information on the procedure - which due to the placement of the tissue at the back of my left breast is going to be extremely painful and could mean I am clamped into a machine for half an hour?! I cannot tolerate that.

I’ve always been quite adamant that if I was to get breast cancer, I wouldn’t want treatment as I’ve watched my family endure its horrors and I am ok with dying thanks.  I was just pressured into going.

So my point is, surely I am wasting clinical time and enduring high levels of medical trauma for something that would be unnecessary?

I’ve drafted the email to cancel the appointment which is in two weeks but my friend is getting very angry at me for wanting to cancel, and told me to just grow up.

I am finding it really upsetting and wished I’d never gone for the screening and certainly won’t be going for future screenings.

I can’t be the only person who has been through this? Any advice on how to handle … well everyone … I am being made to feel like I am a bad person?!

  • Tm 

    welcime sorry you have had a bad experience however unless you get the biopsy done you will never no if it is breast cancer so I would advise you to try and get these checks done rather than cancel . This could well be nltbjng to worry about but if you don't check you will never no unfortunately 

    good luck love Lara Heart

  • Thank you - however, as stated above the procedure would be a waste of time.

    I have now cancelled the appointment as I am already bruised and had a rather uncomfortable night following being clamped into a machine.

  • Tm 

    sorry that you are feeling this way I hope you recover soon .

    but you really do need to follow this up to rule out anything nasty , the callback doesn't nessasary mean it's something bad it just needs to rule it out .

    good luck in whatever you decide going forward 

    love Lara Heart

     

     

  • Hi tm29, just wanted to say welcome. From reading your post, you are dealing with a lot of different issues on top of the tests and this seems overwhelming. I would say though that you got yourself to the hospital for investigation so that's a huge step and the medical staff are now aware of your anxiety - another very important step. I'd echo what Lara says to try to get yourself back there for further tests. I've had a biopsy. The area was numbed and it was quick. I know it's different for everyone but now the staff are aware of your fears, you can go at your own pace, request a female doctor. Maybe agree with the staff to stop if you put your hand up during tests. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide xx

  • IThank you - but I've cancelled the appointment now.

  • No need for further responses to this post - I have cancelled the appointment and won't be going back for further testing - thank you

  • Tm 

    no problem lovely best wishes going forward 

    love Lara Heart

  • Mate, I'm so sorry- sounds horrific. I massively appreciated you responding to my post, so followed your handle- hope you don't mind. I cant pretend to know what your going through, but my own experience has been coloured, one way and another, by anxiety, and it really puts you on the back foot. Everyone has to respect your wishes - course they do - but please allow me to keep everything crossed for you (don't believe in the Big Man, so it's the nearest I come to prayer!!)

  • Thank you 

    I've taken such a battering from people today it's been horrendous.

    not one person understands and just tells me to get on with it and the more they do the more I'm standing firm.

    pretty sure the hospital has called me half a dozen times today to bully me.