Feeling so scared!

Hello everyone, 

Firstly I am a health anxiety sufferer so I worry tirelessly about my health since 2017.  I had a tiny cut on my left nipple and I have no idea why but I googled cut on nipple and all of a sudden I saw something about pagents disease and stared to read it. From this and I don't know how I started to think and believe that my right nipple was having a burning sensation. I ignored it for a couple of days before one night at 3am I had a massive panic attack about it and had terrible thoughts of suicide. This ended up in me calling an ambulance and being taken to hospital. 
I explained to a lovely doctor what had led to the panic attack so he checked my breasts for me and told me they both felt fine, looked normal and there was nothing concerning. This should of made me feel better but it didn't the burning sensation was still continuing. I was absolutely hysterical and spoke with a psychotherapist and discharged front the hospital under the care of the crisis team who have been visiting me every day since. I then went to my gp office that same day after being discharged and he also gave me a physical examination and said all is well with my breasts. I was still unconvinced. Bank holiday came and I was in a terrible state so called out of hours doctors explained my worries with my breast where she told me nothing I said sounded concerning. I begged her to send me for a referral to the breast clinic which has now been done for the 13th June. I was initially relived but since then I've been going out of my mind with panic and worry :( the burning feeling isn't even present anymore and I now feel so stupid but still there's that little voice telling me I still have to be checked either way. Don't really know what I'm asking for here because I feel like a fraud :( 

 

thanks in advance 

scared

  • Either way, at least you're gonna get it properly checked out. That said, as per health anxiety, I suspect being told everything is fine is merely gonna be a short term fix until you begin googling again. You'll go searching out things like can things be missed via the tests you will receive, and the cycle will continue again. See it so many times on these forums. This isn't going to go away. Might work for a day, a week, a month etc, but you're gonna be onto the next thing or focusing on this all over again.

    If you find the help you're currently receiving isn't working for you, you need to discuss this with the gp. Not every treatment works for every patient, and as is the case with mental health, you and your gp need to find something that works best for you.

    My daughter suffers from horrendous anxiety (not health anxiety), so i know how debilitating it can be. Even using these very forums will be doing the exact opposite of what you need. Read enough, or over thinking something and we can all convince ourselves we have something. The day my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, and because so much conversation had revolved around her lymphs under her arm, I walked out the hospital with a sore armpit. I began to worry. Then remembered it was the wife that had something there, not me. The mind is a powerful thing.

    Looking at this with some sort of logic, think about it. By your own admittance, you're frightened of having BC, and your life being in a bad place getting that diagnosis. Your life is already in a bad place, worrying about your health constantly. So you're already in that same place mentally.

    You're needing to stop reading Dr Google and such stuff and deal with the real problem here, your anxiety. Google isn't a diagnostic tool. It will never ever tell you what you do or don't have. It simply throws up results that frequently get typed. You're unwittingly seeking out those bad news stories as soon as you type things into the search engine, and that is why you're getting the "OMG, IT'S CANCER" results. Nearly all of us have been guilty of it at some point, but most folk can take a step back from it. But some can't and go further down that rabbit hole until they can't get back out.

     

  • Yes of course I know you are right. I have a CBT appointment on the 26th June so I'm hoping to start working on the health anxiety. But this waiting for my appointment is excruciating and I'm scared I'm going to have a melt down and end up in hospital again. Just wish I could of been satisfied with what the doctors told me but I wasn't I had to push for a referral and now im worrying myself sick. I've lost so much weight from worry and not eating as I have no appetite. My only peace is when I'm sleeping, the mornings are terrible I wake up in a complete panic and can't get out of it for a good couple of hours. Just feel so alone :(

  • I 100% understand where your coming .

    I have extreme anxiety a d health anxiety. 

    I'm 57 and through all the treatments I've had CBT, COUNSELLING, MEDICATION it hasn't stopped for me.

    As the gentleman said about being in a bad place. 

    I don't know what to say to help, I just live with it. I've tried everything.

    Anxiety is debilitating.

    I wish you all the best.

    Try to stop googling, do I what I do (I still do it) but make a conscious effort to only do it once or twice a day NOT 10+.

    X

  • Hi thank for replying! 
     

    heath anxiety is honestly the worst thing I've ever gone through in my life and worse when your family and loved ones just don't get it! I just wish I could stop the terrible thoughts and just look at this appointment as routine like when I go for my normal smear tests. 
    I can't even take comfort from the doctors already checking me and telling me all is fine or the fact that nobody suggested I be referred that I'm only being referred because I insisted! 
    I wish I could motivate myself to keep myself busy but I'm finding it too difficult I just want to hide away until the appointment day arrives but what good does that do? I'm alone most of the day so I find it hard to do anything because I feel so scared, my partner is currently away working which makes everything so much more difficult because I don't have any comfort from anyone. Just relying on my own stupid brain which likes to sabotage me and tell me terrible things that will happen to me!

  • Hello

    Reading your post I completely understand. I have the same anxiety and it is awful.

    I guess you are on here looking for reassurance l, which is what I do. I read posts on here, google and get myself in a state.

    So I have been diagnosed with BC. I had my diagnosis on my 50th bday. I have had 2 biopsies, a pet Ct scan privately and spoken to 4 consultants, 3 private. All because I am fearing the worst. My biopsies both gave the same info, stage 2. Both ultrasounds said my lymph nodes were normal. My Pet Ct scan was clear apart from the one tumour.

    I have hormone positive, her negative Bc. I had a full mastectomy 2 weeks ago. The consultant was happy to do a lumpectomy but I insisted on a mastectomy. I also had a sentinel lymph node removed for testing. The consultant said after my operation the tumour was removed and 2 lymph nodes. My consultant said my lymph nodes looked OK. 

    So now I am waiting for my post op pathology. All of the stuff above indicates quite a postive prognosis. But my anxiety thinks otherwise. I am terrified the grade of the tumour or the type of the tumour will change, than cancer is actually in my lymph nodes and the it has spread into my body in the three weeks between pet scan and op. I wake up like this. Sleep is my only escape. I can't function, eat properly, I am not looking after myself. I can't ever shower because I am frightened as I found the lump in the shower. Then come the thoughts if what if it comes back? What will I do? 

    I don't believe what the drs are saying to me. I actively search new posts on this site and that triggers me all over again, when actually all I want is some reassurance

    What I am trying to share is that I feel the pain of your health anxiety and the constant what ifs presented by your brain the generally lead to catastrophe. It is debilitating. You aren't  alone. Health anxiety is awful. I am told all rhe time to stop googling etc to the point where my husband has taken my phone of me to stop me. I cry every day. Its fear and anxiety. I haven't learned how to manage mine yet. I  am here if I can help at all I will. Talking doesn't take rhe fear away but it sometimes helps it subside xx

  • Again 

    Everything you say is the same as me.

    I feel for you so much. 

    I'm on my own most of the day too and totally understand how the mind runs away .

    It is hard for people to understand when they don't suffer from like my partner.  He tries so hard to comfort me (all is ok when he's here)

    I had my MRCP scan yesterday..I'm beyond frightened because its the pancreas..After 3 diazapan I git in the cylinder but was tearful. 

    I'm worrying every minute of every day. Is the phone going to ring saying something bad.

    When I first had to start having tests for this 2 years ago ,I stayed in bed. Wouldn't get dressed, barely eating, not doing anything really. 

    Please try and get some help.

    I take propranolol which does help as it calms me.

    Maybe that's something you could look at x

  • I'm so sorry to read what you are currently going through and i hope and pray for you, you are a very brave person and I hope you have good people around you showing love and support. 

    I've been watching some YouTube videos on health anxiety and have found that's helped me a lot. I sometimes have moments of motivation where I think well if I did ever have cancer is this really how I want to be living my life constantly in fear! I've already ruined my relationship with my partner partly because of this and I honestly hope that I can someday get over health anxiety although I don't think we can ever be cured of it, it's something that we just have but at least learn to live with it by not allowing it to rule our lives. 

  • Tomorrow the crisis team are bringing their doctor to give me a medical review and see what they may be able to give me to help with the anxiety.
    I look at my partner in amazement sometimes because absolutely nothing fazes him I would love to be like that. I crack at the tiniest problem it's so annoying. 

  • I know what you mean. I was having CBT which was actually working a bit.... then this happened. 

    As I say everyone, including my gp, says that the biology of the cancer I have is great! My gp even said yesterday that if he had cancer, he would want the biology on my report.

    When I am speaking to a medical professional I do feel better for maybe 1 or 2 hours. Then the what ifs start and the anxiety is off again.

    I am addicted to using the nhs predict site which shows chances of survival from breast cancer over time and with different biology. 

    If you want to add me as a friend happy for you to dm me xx

     

     

  • I would definitely be reassured after what ur gp has said! I think with health anxiety we are only ever reassured for a short time and then want to seek out more reassurance which still doesn't help. We need to learn to trust the medical professionals who actually have the experience and knowledge that hasn't come from google! I honestly wish I had just listened to the doctors telling me there is nothing wrong with my breasts and not insisted on this breast clinic appointment because all it's done is make me 1000 times worse :( 

    sure I will add u :)