I'm so confused , timeline 

10th feb went to doctors, she said there was something sinister going on because my whole breast advanced lump, also have a wound and infection , which I knew about had it at least 9 months like that and large swollen lymph nodes on the same side, she said she'd never felt lumps that big before. I told her I had an issue with my nipple back in 2019 I saw the nurse got antibiotic cream and told to go back in a month , but I have a disabled child and he was having issues with his knee that keot subluxing and we had to go to A and E and then see a counsultwnt, it was the only time we could see him was the day I was due back to see the nurse. I tried to rearrange it at the time but couldn't,but my breast seem to be ok agin and I never went back. I just assumed it was because I was leaning over my son a lot so it was squashing my boob and it because dry on the nipple, I had always had what you call a lazy nipple but when I was expressing milk it was slow but nobody was concerned about it , that was 2007 when my son was born emergancy C section.

anyway fast forward I did have some issues over the past two years, but no lump , certainly not under my arm, didn't appear infected but I did get a little bit of blood thr ince csuse id had a bath , so I just thought it was irritation , last year I ended up with a small scab where my nipple had pulled in slightly, I was petrified and struggling with my son and Petrie with Covid and all the family vuonersbke and shielding , I didn't see anybody, this scan came off and I dressing it but couldn't see any puss , anyway what I thought was cream was puss, I started getting pain once a month like it was an abcess. Anywa I meant to say I got another scab which was really thick and rock hard , that fell off and it never rescabbed, so I couldn't look after that and was dressing it and told myself I've got to get some help , I eventually broke down abiut 4 weeks ago and told my family , straight to the doctors , like I said before what she had said , gave me antibiotics and tried to send me to breast clinic urgently thst night at 6pm but they woukdnt see me, so she put me on the urgent 2 week referral, they rang me 5 days later and saw me at breast clinic 15th feb , they looked at it, cleaned it and dressed it , I was still taking strong antibiotics and it got rid of the infection and thr pain at the time, 

She said we don’t want to keep giving you antibiotics so we are going to write to your GP and prescribe antibiotic gel, and thr community nursing team will be in touch soon to come out and treat your dressings at home.

So after the physical examination they took a ultrasound biopsy from the lymph node and a few from the tumour in my breast.

Then when we went back into the examination room and they were giving me dressings to take home and the bag for blood tests to get done , I told her how scared I was and she said , maybe we could try a bit of chemo, even though nobody had used the word cancer just advanced , she said we are going to book you in for a CT scan.

The nurse said give me a ring in a couple of days so I can give you a date for your biopsy results. 

I said oh right, I said do I have to come back here as things are difficult as my sister is trying to take over my sons care and it’s very difficult, she said no, it will be a phone appointment, I said what even if it’s bad news and she said yes.

Anyway I couidnt get hold of the nurse was just ringing out all the time, so I left it in the end because I had the nurses coming out and having ti sort cover for my son and everybody out of the way and all masked up etc, thrn there was delays with the gel , and then my doctors wouldn’t do my bloods , only had an appointment for a month away, managed to sort that with community nurse yesterday coming out Thursday to do dressing and take my bloods.

Anyway back to biopsy, the nurse rang me early morning to do with biopsy and I missed the call cause I’d just gone to sleep after being uo all night with my son screaming with tummy pain , thrn the next time she rang me but left a message this time was just as the nurses were coming through the door so I couldn’t answer it , she left a message saying she had booked a telephone consultation for thr morning the next day , by this time she had gone home and I could not contact her to tell her early morning is no good , so I missed the appointment , nothing I could do about it even though I have told them to contact my parents landline if they can’t get hold of me.

Anyway since I missed that I got a text patient portal letter giving me another date for a telephone consultation for a week later 3rd March also early morning appointment , it said that your nurse had reviewed your condition and deemed it safe to talk to you and have your appointment by phone. So today cause I hadn’t confirmed or clicked rebook , thr option had dissapered , so I emailed them and made a point of saying telephone consultations I just need an afternoon one either the same day if possible or after that date as I have nurses coming out this week. Anyway they said we will reschedule soon with a time and date convenient for you , so I got the patient portal and saw it was the 20th March ! 3.15pm so I confirmed it , then behind that I saw the letter and it said at the top rescheduled and to take place at the hospital ! But underneath the same info about telephone. I’ve emailed them back to see if they’ve made a mistake or whether it’s a case of they now want me to go in , but nothings changed, I’ve not had my CT scan yet or bloods done, so all they have had is my biopsy results , don’t seem to be rushing it.

I had my appointment for CT scan last weds evening but I rang them as the letter said if allergic to iodene please ring us first, so I did and they said they can do it without the contrast dye so stiol attend your appointment , she said they might want to talk to you when your down there but you’re fine. Nkt the case, I changed into the gown and went in and they were sorting the bed out for me when they said can I just asked abiut the iodene, I said oh you are doing the contrast dye then,she said yes , it’s pointless without , consultant wants to make sure he doesn’t miss anything , so she rang him and thrn said I’m sorry you’ve had a wasted journey but you need the contrast dye, she said that will have to be a day appointment and you will have to have a whole team of doctors in here with you… ! She said thr consultant will be in touch soon and prescribe a medication you need to take before your appointment from your GP. They got it down to ring the landline number and not my mobile.

So far I’ve nit heard anything or had any medication 

Sorry there’s no way any of you have made it to the end of this , if you have well done !

My mind is doing overtime, I’m terrified of getting my biopsy results and the way I look at it is, because I’m even more terrified of the CT scan and what they might find and spread etc , then I cannot cope with my diagnosis of biopsy before the Ct scan, because of my situation at home , my son, my family, my sister having appointments too that she can’t ignore and she’s looking after my son best she can, my parents are in their late 70’s so they can’t physically do anything with my son, my dads doing the driving, mums doing the supporting to appointments and she’s struggling and I feel so guilty and bad but she wants to be there with me. 

It’s just a total nightmare,if I’m going to receive bad news I need to have slept, eaten and made sure my son is ok care needs etc and everybody has eaten etc, i cant take an early morning appointment without having slept or eaten cause if it’s bad news I won’t be eating or sleeping and I can’t go back to bed in the day , everybody will be affected and my son can’t fend for himself , I need to be prepared , part of me is thinking well leaving it another two weeks , I would have thought they would find another way or at least her say in her voicemail claire I really need to speak to soon. Especially if I need treatment straight away but now I’m worrying they not doing that or seem to be rushing is it the worst case scenario and I can’t be treated , so it doesn’t matter , thanks for listening !!!