Hi Rosie,

I didn't want to let your post go unanswered. I've just had a lung biopsy, and am awaiting results. I'm finding the mental challenge the most difficult part of this rollercoaster. I've found it difficult to talk to friends and family, because I don't want to put them through any more turmoil than they are already in.

I'd advise you to make use of the cancer support telephone services when you need to, as at least you can vent yourself there. That's where I 'park' all my yuckiest, messiest stuff to get it out of my system. They are there for both patients and family, so don't be frightened to use them. I find it helpful to talk to someone who isn't involved, and try to find the positives in the grim times. For instance, when I came out of hospital I was on painkillers and they make you contipated. I ended up joking that I didn't want to die on the toilet like Elvis!

You aren't crumbling, you are just having a hard time, and you need to find an outlet for you right now. And I get what you mean about Christmas, it's already an emotional time and no one wants to have to deal with extra stuff on top. You are strong, because part of being strong is being honest about how you feel. Even if that means you turn into a snotty mess at times! So be kind to yourself, reach out to talk, you'll be glad you did. 

Wishing you and your mum lots of strength. Helen xx