Over a month ago I went to the GP because I was sometimes (once a month) throwing up after eating food and severe stomach/abdominal pain which went away after I threw up. I went just to check maybe I have an ulcer or infection, he checked my abdomen and didn’t feel anything worrying, so he ordered some bloods. Anyway, a few days after got a call from another doctor at my practice who has never seen me before, he called me telling me I have inflammation in my body which needs to be investigated (ALT, ALP, ESR, CRP, RBC) all raised. He said he booked my on for an abdominal scan and a chest x Ray, I also needed to do a FIT test. Few days after that he called to say chest X Ray was normal but fit test was abnormal and that he is very sorry to tell me this and that I needed an urgent colonoscopy. I was in bits, he practically convinced me I had bowel cancer, he just kept apologising and saying unfortunately, I couldn’t wait for NHS so I went private, I did MRI of entire abdomen, colonoscopy and gastronoscopy and another CBC including tumour markers. All they found was gallstones which I need my gallbladder removed and also a fatty liver which explains the high liver enzymes on blood test… but looking over at my blood test I could see that the ESR has actually increased from 48 to 60… doctor looked at it but didn’t seem too concerned but I’ve been Googling and I’m back at square one where I think I have cancer all over again…. Im just petrified. Im crying everyday, I’m having panic attacks, I have some symptoms which I don’t know if it’s my anxiety doing this to me. I haven’t ate, I haven’t drank water, I haven’t even slept properly. I have a 2 year old and I just can’t cope with this feeling that I might not see her grow up. I’ve absolutely convinced myself that I’m dying. I’m getting heart palpitations almost every night since the GP rang me with my results. I honestly don’t know how to move on, last week I convinced myself I had a brain tumour and this week it’s multiple myeloma, I keep telling myself they would have seen multiple myeloma on the MRI and Chest X Ray but I just can’t seem to focus my energy on anything other than the possibility I have a terminal illness. I’m just so scared but it’s literally ruining my life, I just can’t seem to get my life back on track it’s becoming scary because I’m starting to see why people with depression end up committing suicide and I’m scared I’m going down that path. Sorry for the long post but I needed to let it out.
