Hello  

I think I've posted before, many moons ago. Alas I'm back, still worried about the same thing and no more the wiser. 
 

I've been suffering from various symptoms over the last several years, and it's all boiled down to being absolutely petrified of a diagnosis of ovarian cancer. Now while I know Dr google should be avoided my curiousity at trying to get to the bottom of my ongoing pain has bypassed all sense. 
 

I've always suffered from bad periods. I started when I was 10 and was put on the pill at 13 to manage the pain and heavy flow. As I got older, I came off of the pill and my periods I guess evened out a little. Granted they were always heavy and fairly painful but several years ago I experienced the most agonising pain I'd ever had. I was just coming to the end of my period and I had been on a night out. I've never experienced having a child but it honestly felt as though that is what was happening. I had a bath - it didn't help it and finally managed to get my hands on some strong painkillers. Eventually it went away but it completely wiped me out. Going to toilet too, while on my period was a whole fiasco as the pain I would get from that was also intense. A year or so after that I had a weird sensation in my abdomen. It felt like something had swollen up and was pressing into my bladder. I had various tests, 2 ultrasounds- urine testing where they confirmed an infection but when they actually came to test it, there was nothing there. I was on antibiotics for 2 weeks, with a suspected kidney infection but suddenly it went away. On 2 occasions this has happened now, I had a ca125 and to tell you the truth I can't even remember what the Dr said on the follow up call but that the results were normal. 

Cut to January 2022. I decided to go for a hike. I was suffering a little before with back pain as I had recently been to body pump. After lockdown and my parents death, the weight piled on so I was much heavier than usual. I've suffered with back pain before -- usually achy and I'm my lower back, but nothing like what I expierenced then. I couldn't move. I was immobile for at least 3 days where I finally got to the physio who did some core work with me. He believes I pushed my body too much and said I should work on my core - I did that and the pain went away. It's now months later and it's started back up again, this time it's a stabbing in my ovary area, and my shoulder is so painful. trying to get a dr's appointment was like trying to arrange lunch with the queen. They have agreed to give me another ultrasound which is tomorrow but the right sided pain and discomfort is really affecting my quality of life. I'm too scared to excercise again in case it set it off. They are trying to manage my symptoms and have put me on the pill as I was convinced it was something to with my ovaries as the pain gets more intense during ovulation more than any other time of the month (sometimes i get nothing until I ovulate and that feels like I'm a new woman!) 

every urine test (except 1 comes back with high white blood cells) but there is never an infection I alternate sometimes between constipation and diarrhoea which leave me with sore piles and the pain in my back sometimes radiates down to my siatic nerve to the point it leaves me slightly wobbly. 

my worse fear is that it is something insidious but every time I mention what I'm afraid of they make me feel silly because they say 'what makes you worry about cancer.' My mum had cancer, she suffered from non-Hodgkin lymphoma and my Nan had carcinoma of the bladder. My cousin died of lukemia and so my family history is plagued with it. I don't know why I'm writing here but somehow getting this off my chest has helped. I hope that the scan tomorrow goes ok, and that if they do find something it ie treatable. I'm tired of being dismissed.