Hi everyone, I'm not really sure what I expect from posting this but I am feeling so helples and am an absolute state. I am so anxious that I have now lost my appetite, wake frequently through the night and then my mind starts racing, I can't concentrate on work at all but luckily I work from home and I keep breaking down crying. 

I have a 3 year old and 5 year old and I keep looking at them, thinking how sad and confused they will be if anything happens to me, I just want to spend every second with them just incase, my mind is racing and I am so, so sad.

I have been going back and forth to the Doctor's for about 2 years with various weird symptoms ranging from muscle and joint pains, fatigue, muscle weakness etc and over a year ago, I started going to the loo (poo) about 5 times a day which was really a big change for me as I usually went about once a day or woud sometimes miss a day. Every time I have been to the Doctor, I have been given a blood test or told it's normal and when bloods came back ok, they wouldn't investigate further. I was made to feel like a nuisance to be honest, so  I just lived with the symptoms. 

I decided a few months ago yet again to mention the bowel change to my GP and she did a rectal exam - which I think she only did as she had a student doctor in with her - and said she isn't worried as I'm young! I am 38 and am fully aware that cancer does not discrimnate. This was the final straw for me and I moved to another surgery.

I have now develpoed a soft, large lump above my clavicle bone in my neck that has promted my GP to send me for an urgent ENT consultation, I have just been sent a QFit test that I snet back in yesterday too. The last two days I have woken up with pins and needles in m y feet when I get out of bed for the first time but that subsides after a minute. 

I've now been told my blood tests have come back as slightly low in potassium so I have to have that repeated next week.

I am absolutely terrified and beside myself. I don't want my kids to go through the pain of their Mummy leaving them forever, it's literally all I can think about. I keep looking at my husband and kids and imagining them as a family of 3 and it absolutley kills me.

I'm sorry to be so negative but I really am such a mess.