Terrified of having cancer

Hi everybody, 

I have been spending a large amount of time on this group so as consulting Dr Google which I know is net helping bur cannot literally help myself.

I have two swollen lymph nodes under my armpits on both sides. As far as I remember they were at least I thought part of my anatomy , I realise how stupid it sounds now . So I have never rely paid attention to it.

I was feeling sick since October 2021  it started with indigestion and thr feeling that the food was not coming down , I felt like a lump in my throat . I harassed my gp who initially diagnosed reflux without seeing me and prescribed plenty of medication. It's only in February this year that I had a gastroscopy who ruled out cancer they were suspecting du to loosing almost 8kg in 4 months. I still doesn't know what it was but I believe it was amplified by my anxiety as as soon I was giving 5he all clear my symptoms really improved.

I had covid in December 2021 and was feeling pretty poorly with sore throat , body aches and episode of fever. I developed two swollen lymph nodes during covid, one in my throat and one in the back of my neck which until today are still there.

I had another swollen lymph nodes appearing in the front of my right ear around 6 weeks ago, I have ear pain and fullness from time to time for the past year coming and going with pretty bad sharp headaches but nothing persistent.

I had blood taken which revealed anemia, deficiency in vitamin B12, cholesterol,  white blood count was OK.

I went to my gp last Friday initially worried about the lymph next to my ear and on my neck which he examined and told me they were soft and mobile which is a good thing on his opinion. He asked me plenty of questions : night sweat, fever , extreme loss of weight which I don't have.

He then asked me if I had other raised lymph nodes and I mentioned the ones under my armpit which he seemed more concerned about he did a palpation of my breasts but did not found any obvious mass in them, had a touch at my lymph nodes which are also soft, movable and painless.

He did a two weeks referral to the breast clinic and a regular referral for an ultrasound for the neck and ear lymph nodes.

I am waiting to hear from the clinic but I am terrified and convinced myself in some days that I have breast cancer, lymphoma, head and neck cancer or even the three of them at the same time.

I am driving myself crazy, I cannot eat, sleep work or even play with my children. The wait is killing me.

Has any of you had so many lymph who turned out to be nothing? I also noticed after seeing the Gp that the nodes under my armpits seems to be stuck together also still soft and movable.

I read its usually not a good sign. I am really sorry for the long post but I really needed to get it out from my chest.

  • Hello mumuoftwo69 and a big welcome to Cancer Chat! 

    You are right that consulting Dr Google will definitely not help as it tends to bring up all the worst case possibilities. It sounds like you have had a tough time with these lymph node issues and I can understand why it would drive you crazy and interfere with your quality of life especially as you still have no answers at the moment. 

    This wait for a diagnosis can be the hardest thing and it's something many of our members will be able to relate to. Try if you can to clear your head from everything you have read as this will only make your anxiety worse, breed more uncertainty rather than providing any concrete answers. While you are waiting to find out more, try if you can to distract yourself and focus on things you enjoy doing if you can. There are helpful tips on this page on how to cope while waiting for important news. 

    It must be doubly stressful for you too as you are waiting for two separate referrals, one to the breast clinic and another one for an ultrasound of your lymph nodes. It's good though that they are taking things seriously and being really thorough in their investigations. You can find out more on this page about what to expect from your breast clinic appointment. I hope it all goes well for you and that everything turns out to be fine.  

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

  • Hi Lucie,

     

    Thank you for your kind words.

     

    I am trying my best to stay out of the Internet and keeping myself busy.

     

    I have booked a private mammograph for next Thursday as I was told the urgent referral might take 6 weeks in my region which I cannot bear.

     

    Will keep you updated.

     

    Regards,

     

  • Hi mumuoftwo69,

    I hope you don't mind me replying to you. I've experienced some of the feelings you're going through so I wanted to try to help you feel a little calmer and brighter.

    First thing first, try to calm down and breathe. You're doing so well but it's so easy to get worked up and overwhelm yourself. Sometimes I get like this, even now after my diagnosis. It's really easy to get like this and really hard to calm down. When I feel like this I try to keep busy and distract myself, like by listening to music, going for a walk, drawing or writing. It helps settle the worry and anxiety so definitely give that or something you enjoy a go. It might help :) 

    Also defos try to keep away from Google. It always comes up with the worse and most horrible things! Stay away it will only cause you more worry and upset. I know how much you feel you need to Google things but try not to because it never helps.

    I can understand how difficult waiting is. I remember my wait for a diagnosis was absolutely awful and so has waiting for scan results. Lucie is totally right, distract yourself and keep busy. Otherwise you'll sit and worry all day and that's no good for you.

    Take things one day at a time and remember to be kind to yourself. I'm sure everything will be fine and it's fab that it's being investigated for you. 

    Hang in there ️

    Sending you hugs 

    Jess x