I discovered a swollen lymph node in the side of my neck a few weeks ago with no other obvious symptoms. After being referred by my doctor for blood tests and an ultrasound I've traversed these forums and the finest terrifying Google results looking for confirmation of my fears and reassurance in equal measure. I've read the anxiety of so many on these forums that I told myself if I ended up okay I would post. And here I am. Spoiler alert, I'm OK. 

I went to the Doctor with my lumpy neck with the knowledge in the back of my head that she would probably fling me out the door saying there was nothing wrong. She was great and incredibly thorough in feeling my neck for enlarged glands. "I don't feel anything I'm concerned about" she said and I thought "Great". "One of them I'd say is just about 1.5cm, do you agree?" As she grabbed my hand and let me feel. "I suppose" I said not sure how to convert fingers into cms. "I think so, but the ultra sound will confirm." What? I thought you weren't concerned? And there went my anxiety. The doctor wanted to confirm that it wasn't enlarged as it seemed to be on the cusp of being a bit too big. So she arranged for a blood test and an ultrasound. "I'm not concerned" she reiterated, "you don't have any other symptoms, night sweats? Fatigue? Weight loss?" "Well I'm tired but I've been tired since about 2009" I replied, suddenly worried if that was a symptom. I left the doctors feeling kind of reassured but also very worried...

When I got home, I Googled away. Doctor Google was more concerned than my doctor. He told it to me quite bluntly;

"You either have lymph nodes swollen due to an infection or illness." "No, I don't have that" "OK, it's probably cancer then. You shouldn't be able to see or feel your lymph nodes ordinarily" 

Over the next two weeks I would spend an hour or so a day googling all sorts, reading through forums, asking my partner to feel my neck, asking if it was getting bigger, or harder, analysing if my tiredness was fatigue and symptoms or just being knackered from stress. I ended up getting night sweats 3 times, each time I was convinced it was now all starting to happen. 

When I had my blood tests, the nurse asked me to hold the tubes and my hands were so sweaty with anxiety I dropped them. "If you hear nothing by Monday call us" I waited till 5 minutes before closing on Monday. I didn't want to hear the dreaded "the doctor is just reviewing your results and we'll be in touch." When I rang to ask, I felt sick with fear, barely enduring the silence between giving my details and the receptionist umming on the other end of the phone as she reads my results and figures out what she can and can't tell me. "They're all normal" she finally said. "Oh" I said, almost in disappointment. I was convinced at this point something would be picked up. Perhaps it just hasn't spread yet, so that was positive. I guess. 

I got the letter for my ultrasound scan. It was in a week. "They've given me an urgent appointment" I told my partner. Was I high priority? Was I urgent? I thought the doctor said she wasn't concerned, didn't she? I couldn't remember. I tried to put it to one side, focusing on my "normal" blood results.

The next week I didn't Google at all. I was sick of it. I felt actually fine, my anxiety was nowhere near as excessive that week. I could focus on work and other things. I felt almost back to normal. I'd still check on the lymph node every morning. Was it still there? Yeah. Was it bigger? Dunno. How does it feel? Lumpy. 

Then the day of the ultrasound arrived. I couldn't eat and it was like the last few weeks all came to a head at once. I felt sick. "The worst bit is if they ask someone to come in and check it out if they see something" my manager unhelpfully advised, "but they won't tell you anything when you're in there." What if they don't say anything? What if they say it looks concerning? What if they say I'm OK? Just kidding, I didn't think about the last one. I knew it was something. After all, Dr Google told me, this isn't normal. 

I was in the waiting room for only a couple minutes before they called my name. A lovely woman asked me to come and sit on the bed and popped a bit of tissue across my chest before slavering me with gel. "What lymph node is it you're worried about?" I directed her to it and luckily my face was pointing away from the screen. I couldn't see the inevitable growth staring back at me. "That's a lymph node" she said.  "I know," I replied, "How long do I have left?" "It's completely normal, it's just because of where it is on your neck that when you turn your head a certain way it might be a bit visible. I have the same thing here" she said, turning her head to show me, "you'll always see and feel it." I stared at her in a bit of disbelief. "Let me check the other side" she said and then smiled at me "yeah, you're fine. You've got hundreds of glands in your head and neck, sometimes some are a bit more prominent than the others but that's normal." She must have registered the relief on my face "you don't need to worry about that anymore, OK? And stop messing with it and poking it. Lymph nodes don't like to be messed with." "I'm sorry" I said, apologising to her and the node at once. "I'll report back to your doctor but everything is normal there" 

I left the hospital about 5 minutes after I'd walked in with the feelings inside me like night and day. The best advice I can give on this is please do not Google and do not let yourself run away with your imagination. I'm sure if I'd stuck to the facts that my doctor thought it was fine, I would have never got myself so wound up. Going for tests does not mean there is definitely something wrong and sometimes lymph nodes are just visible and NORMAL! (But please always check with your doctor. Everyone I saw through this process was brilliant and knowledgable... except Dr Google, I reckon he needs more training on his bedside manner)

Good luck to all and hope you take care of yourselves