Hi Rose Ann 
I am kind of in the same place as you .  I have a MRI next  Saturday and biopsy the following Monday for suspect area of my soft palate  .  This waiting period is seriously draining emotionally.  I seem to wake at 2 to 3 am and then my mind is buzzing thinking about what ifs and i cant get back to sleep .  The only thing that has helped me get back to sleep was a calm app that i downloaded , it  literally mediitates you back to sleep , it has helped me on two occasions but I am thinking of talking to my GP or any GP on Monday to see if there is some medication they can prescribe to help me cope with these overwheming moments tbat come along  :cry:

x

I'm waiting too. I had a US on a lump in my groin in October. Somehow my results were lost but they were an urgent referral for suspected sarcoma. This only became known when I phoned the surgery in early Jan about something else. I had CT scan 4 weeks ago and biopsy 3 weeks ago. I was told the biopsy would take 14 days maximum but still haven't heard anything and nobody seems to know what is happening. The waiting does get to you! Some days are better than others. I hope you get your results soon and that they are good.

Hi Rose Ann

Find myself in exactly the same position. Been awake since 5 feeling really upset. Went to ENT Friday and have an urgent MRI my tonsil is firm and have some worrying neck and ear symptoms. Terrified that it's going to something serious and advanced. I haven't told my family as why ruin everyone else's time. I'd cope better if I was devastated for my 10 year old - obviously she doesn't know but that's my main worry. I swing between calm and realism to irrational worry and am very tearful. 
I hope you are ok..your not alone with the wait. 
The initial shock of contemplating that something could be seriously wrong I hope will give way to me regaining some strength of mind.  Don't feel like I can share my deepest fears with anyone just yet and of course hoping that it's not bad news. 

I am here to chat if you ever want to vent  - we seem to be so very much in the same situation .  I too am avoiding off loading doom and gloom on those close to me but I know they sense my distance - I am closing myself up but then I get so angry with myself for not being stronger - I have moments of strength,  fighting spirit and back bone but as soon as I feel this way ,  a little voice comes along and says 'who you kidding'  then when I start to think this is the beginning of the end,  the little voice returns and says 'hell no , this has is NOT the end' -  I actually feel like sleeping 24/7 so I don't have to think of anything at all but it seems sleeping is the biggest challange of all . .. 

Jo

x

Hi Jo, 

Thank you for replying to me. Sorry it's taken a few days to reply. How are you feeling? Hope you are getting through ok. X 

I had my MRI yesterday, I swear the people running it didn't look me in the eye afterwards and I tried to glance at the screen as I walked past but it had been closed down and was blank. (I'm so heightened to every little thing) ridiculous  I get my results on the 14th March. I really feel for you as the wait is so hard - and the 31st is even longer. 
my left tonsil has been really sore today and my ear aches every day - I'm certain I'm getting bad news. I keep waking up at 4am I am getting back to sleep but I've developed an eye sty this week which I've not had before. 
Your reply made me smile a bit as you describe swinging between strength and hope and a bit of despair. It's almost comical if it weren't so ruddy shi*te! Sending you best wishes 

emma x 

Oh god Emma , I know exactly what you mean and I will probably be doing the exact same thing this afternoon when I am having my MRI scan done ..  I am having a contrast scan so I think they inject something in me half way through .  Its only a scan and yet I am like jelly inside and know there is nothing to it  , so god knows what state I will be on for my biopsy op lol .. 

My lump has increased in size so much in just three weeks .  I struggle to eat and I am now on soups , I gag when I clean my teeth and it throbs sooo bad it is so red and angry ..  even my speech sounds wierd .   Yawning hurts like hell and I seem to be doing a lot of that since my lack of sleep 

I still wake around 3 to 4am , but I now keep earphones by the bed and listen to a 'calm' app so my mind doesnt start whirling. and thankfully I do seem to drift back off with that on 

I am an emotional wreck , the Ukraine crisiis breaks my heart and in a way makes me feel less sorry for myself .. 

I have been told to self isolate now until after my biopsy but then I have to go to the hospital for my scan *shrugs

I hope you can keep sane this coming week ! I will keep an eye out for any updates from you  .. 

Love and hugs  x 

Jo
 

Dear Jo, 

I hope your MRI wasn't too awful. It can make you feel a bit hemmed in - all the machinery. I've had a few before with the dye as totally separate to this current scare we have the BRCA 1 breast cancer gene in our family. I have it too along with some of my sisters. I haven't elected for surgery though had been for genetic counselling pre covid to discuss-  then it fell off the radar. 
 

im sorry you're having a difficult and uncomfortable time. Having to self isolate isn't much fun either - you sound so brave and compassionate. i hope you have someone to brighten your day x 
Its such a rollercoaster and I agree with what's happening in Ukraine too makes me feel so much more grateful for really simple things - those poor poor people, families, friends. It's so unfair. 
i live with my ten year old daughter - I'm 47, no partner - spent the weekend playing games and focusing on the positives. 
been thinking of you too- sending love and strength x 

take care and keep going! 
emma x